These are 7 signs the person in front of you can destroy your life.
How?
By betraying your trust. A few things in life hurt more than getting betrayed by an untrustworthy jerk.
As I always say when writing such articles, do not use these signs to judge others. Look for more than one sign. And look for a consistent pattern of behavior, not occasional mistakes.
More importantly, don’t use this article to ditch the concept of trust. There are people out there who you can (and should) trust.
Remember, those who trust everyone are naive. But those who trust no one aren’t better people.
In fact, that’s the first sign we’re going to cover. So, let’s get started.
#1 Those who believe other people are untrustworthy.
They tend to gossip and bad-mouth others and are very distrustful of everyone
It’s ironic to start such an article with a sign like this. But read on to understand what I mean.
There’s a good reason we have such quotes:
“We don’t see the world as it is; we see the world as we are.”
“Those who can’t trust can’t be trusted.”
“Those who accuse are the ones who abuse.”
Those who tell you that everyone is a liar are the liars themselves. People who tell you not to trust anyone are untrustworthy themselves. They’re operating from the belief system of “I’ll stab you first.” And they’ll justify it by saying they’re protecting themselves.
Now, the world isn’t perfect. You cannot (and should not) trust anyone. And trust should be given to those who deserve it. However, believing that everyone is untrustworthy says more about the person who thinks so than the people around them.
#2 Those who don’t get disgusted easily.
According to one study, there’s a link between disgust and morality. People who get easily disgusted are likely to have high moral standards. And vice versa.
So, when someone is stone-cold after seeing an accident, a bloody scene, or a disgusting photo, there’s a high chance this person is more capable of offensive behavior.
Keep in mind, however, that doctors, for example, are accustomed to seeing blood, and so are cops or firefighters. So, don’t be quick to judge here. Understand that there’s a correlation between disgust and morality.
#3 People who are too nice.
Being too nice is not a virtue. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. It’s dishonesty masked up as “I don’t want to hurt your feelings!”
People who are too nice are dishonest, enablers, and incapable of true intimacy.
They’re dishonest because they don’t utter what they actually want to say. They are yes-men. They tell you what they think you want to hear. They will tell you that so that you give them what they want. Or they will tell you all these nice things to avoid upsetting you and/or themselves because they can’t tolerate discomfort.
They’re enablers because, well, they let you misbehave while telling you it’s okay instead of telling you to go to hell or stop the shit you’re doing.
They’re incapable of true intimacy because they’re not saying what they really think.
You can’t rely on them. First, they don’t tell you the truth. Second, they don’t tell you the truth because either they’re too cowardly or have ulterior motives.
Either way, when the shit hits the fan, you can’t rely on someone who is too cowardly or has ulterior motives.
#4 People who justify their terrible actions and see nothing wrong with their mistakes.
In my previous article, I explained how people who justify their mistakes and toxicity destroy their lives and character. They destroy the very thing that can redeem them.
People who justify their mistakes weaken their conscience. They empower the worst version of themselves.
The main dysfunctionality here is the refusal to shoulder responsibility. They are literally telling you that they will take zero responsibility for whatever shitstorm they caused. And you just have to accept whatever shit excuse they give you.
The scary part, again, is that those people end up believing those shit excuses they give others. They reach a point where they don’t even believe they’re toxic. So, deep down, they think they’re the good guy/gal.
Zero self-awareness. Zero accountability. Zero change possibility. And %100 damage (to themselves and to you).
Stay away!
#5 Wise pessimists!
Here is the thing about negative people. They know how to sound like they know what they’re talking about. They seem intelligent, wise, and even reasonable sometimes.
The danger here is that they can convince you they have your best interest in mind (or that they’re trying to protect you)!
But in reality, they don’t care about that at all. They only want to justify their failure, inaction, negativity, resentment, and cowardice. They want you down with them.
By stepping up and doing something, you’re forcing them to face the responsibilities they’re avoiding. You shed light on their shortcomings and unwillingness to do something about them.
Those people aren’t just pessimists. You can be pessimistic, but keep your mouth shut. Those people are full of envy and resentment. They’re harboring so much resentment/envy that they can’t keep it inside — it will eat them alive. So, to lessen it, they act on it and try to keep everyone around them down with them (instead of shouldering the responsibility of their shitty lives).
Don’t trust them. Don’t believe their words. Everything they say is based on this devilish desire to bring others down.
#6 Self-centered people.
Children think they’re the center of the world. They believe the world revolves around them.
Some adults are like that. They never grew out of that childish belief of self-importance. This is called emotional immaturity. And one of its main components is self-centeredness.
As humans, we’re all self-centered to some extent. After all, we need to get our needs met and take care of ourselves. However, this natural tendency can get out of control.
Self-centered people act in selfish ways that only consider their needs. You tell them about a bad thing that happened to you, and they remember that terrible thing that happened to them in high school. You tell them what you (legitimately) want from them as their friend/partner/co-worker, and they look at you as a demanding jerk.
In conflict, all they think about is winning or protecting themselves. And when they’re having a bad day or in a bad mood, they cannot see anything except themselves, their problems, and their pain.
But are they evil?
Some self-centered people are evil. They see no problem in stepping on someone else to meet their selfish needs.
On the other hand, some are just too obsessed with themselves (without malicious intentions of hurting others). However, self-centeredness still makes them emotionally unavailable and incapable of meeting others’ needs, which makes having a relationship with them difficult. They don’t have your best interest in mind because they don’t even consider it.
One of the ways self-centeredness manifests itself is . . .
#7 Stingy people.
There’s a reason women hate stingy men. It indicates many traits, such as cowardice and self-centeredness.
And it’s not even about money. Stingy people are usually stingy with all their resources — time, emotions, assistance, …etc.
Practically speaking, you cannot depend on stingy people or count on them to be there for you when you need them. They will hoard their resources even if they have plenty. So, depending on them is frustrating.
After getting close to them, you will start seeing the underlying traits behind their stinginess. You’ll notice cowardice and withdrawal in situations where they need to step up. You’ll feel they care about nothing and no one but themselves.
In short, being stingy says a lot about a person’s (negative) relationship with core values such as courage, generosity, abundance, and kindness. Do you really want to trust someone who’s the opposite of these traits?
…
I hope this was helpful
If you enjoyed reading this, Get free 12 practical tips on how to:
- Deal with toxic people,
- develop emotional immunity against them,
- Let them go once and forever.
- Become their worst nightmare ever.
Also, check my books on Amazon.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
From The Good Men Project on Medium
 |
 |
 |
 |
***
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—–
Photo credit: Robert Zunikoff on Unsplash
