Is it possible that the poster boy for being bad has gone …”good man” on us?
On February 9, 2010 I approached Tucker Max on email about entering into an online debate on manhood and morals. Kind of a good vs. evil slap down for charity–the Good Men Project Foundation. His response was…well stunning to me.
You clearly have no idea how media works and no concept of how to approach someone who has something you don’t have and want to use.
Look at the facts here:
-You have no audience to speak of
-You’ve sold no books to speak of
-You are a no one in terms of public appeal or audienceNow look at me:
-I have a huge audience, millions strong
-I have sold 1.2 million books, and my book has spent five years on the best seller list
-I have a movie made about my life
-I am a hero to every male under 25 in this country, and many over that age
After a bit more back and forth, in which admittedly I got a bit upset, he concluded:
AHHHAHAHAHAH–oh man. You built a billion dollar business…and yet, you don’t know anything about pitching, media, branding, celebrities or cross-promotion, and are so ruffled by simple facts that you are reduced to pitiful name-calling in the span of just one email? Something is very very off here. Have fun trying to build a real media company acting like a 12 year old.
Needless to say, my attempt to make the bad boy go straight didn’t go well or end up in a debate about the core issues we talk about all the time here at GMP. He was far more interested in his own fame and fortune as a drunk womanizer willing to tell all than worrying about boys without fathers.
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One of the things I have noticed over the last three years is that what once seemed like somewhat of a controversial statement–that men of all colors, ethnicity, sexual preference and economic standing are grappling with fundamental issues of identity and goodness–has gone mainstream. Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen helped make obvious the problem, but they didn’t necessarily help anyone understand the solution.
We still have Bud Light commercials and Two and a Half Men is still a top show, albeit with one real-life womanizer switched out for another in the lead role. But there’s this giant groundswell among men about the very issues of fatherhood and meaning and manhood which inspired GMP’s founding. One of the most remarkable experiences I have had lately is the number of my friends–guys who made fun of the GMP at its founding for being too sensitive, too girly, too much about feelings–who are spending their lunch hours and evenings reading our blog. And actually talking about it in public. “Wow, that is some really good shit!” they say in mixed company over dinner.
I may have thought I was a lone wolf howling into the wind at one point. But that is no longer the case. And that’s no more obvious than Tucker Max, the quintessential walking Bud Light commercial who has apparently undergone a remarkable transformation.
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In “A New Max” Reeves Wiedeman reports in this week’s New Yorker that the 36 year-old Tucker Max has turned over a new leaf:
Max walked to City Bakery, where he selected a lunch of pineapple, cantaloupe, and four shreds of lettuce. “I’m Paleo,” he said, referring to his new diet—no carbs or sugar; lots of lentils and organic whey—which is part of a broader retirement plan.
He has been seeing a psychoanalyst four times a week, and has made a list of activities to try: Zen archery, improv, pottery, gardening, barista school, rock climbing, salsa dancing, advanced firearm training. “The thought of going to a strip club makes me want to vomit. Blergh. Ack,” he said.
Apparently the days of writing “dick lit”—a genre which Wiedeman characterizes as “memoir about getting drunk, having sex with lots of women, and getting too drunk to have any sex at all”–is officially over. He’s outgrown the gag.
Max’s audience—in his words, “dudes who can’t spell ‘dude’ right”—expects a Tucker who no longer exists. His partying has dipped from five nights a week to once or twice a month. Sleeping around became boring. He doesn’t have any new stories. “I’m not even having a book party,” he said. “The worst-case scenario is if a bunch of my fans show up and expect, like, twenty-eight-year-old Tucker, and that’s not who I am anymore.”
“I just started going to this Buddhist center,” he said, mentioning another activity on the list. “This woman there said, ‘When you reach the top of the mountain, don’t curse the path that brought you there.’ ” Asked to come up with a book title for this new phase, he said, “‘Still Awesome, Just Different.’ ” Max grabbed two fifty-ounce waters from a deli, passing the beer display without a pause, and went into a Bikram yoga studio across from the Flatiron Building. It was his first time, and the instructor yelled at Max to stretch deeper into his rabbit pose. “That shit was hot,” he said, ninety minutes later, walking into the February afternoon in just a T-shirt. He was skeptical of yoga, but felt that trying it was another step toward adulthood.
So is it possible that the poster boy for being bad has gone…”good man” on us? Stranger things have happened.
Welcome to the club, my friend.
Now, how about that discussion of manhood we never got off the ground a couple years back?
—Photo mill0079/Photobucket
I’d just like to say that people have been getting drunk and having sex from time immemorial. It’s just the way things are.
Tucker Max is nothing new.
I’m not sure that experimenting with Buddhism and eating healthfully make someone a “good man,” but ok, sure.
I’m 20 and I find the “Tucker Max” phenomenon disgusting. My roommate reads his books and finds him hilarious but I can’t stand reading his idiotic, man-boy shenanigans. I don’t know if he’ll ever grow up and realize that no one is going to actually care how many women he had sex with when he has few to no meaningful relationships to speak of.
This man is a grotesque. He’s like a side-show attraction(see the bearded lady!) except, you know, the kind that’s socially acceptable in the modern era.
Tucker Max is a nihilist (A PAID NIHILIST). The fact that he resonated with so many disenchanted 20 year old Men illustrates the hopelessness that has become so prevalent is a society that’s increasingly hostel to Men, faith & morality and….(Patriarchy) “June Clever was a Lie, God is Dead, get drunk have sex.” Tucker pointed to debauchery as salvation. Is it any wonder that he would come to terms with the unsustainability of his life style choices? Is it any wonder that he would also play the fool from time to time to both keep his notoriety up and romanticize… Read more »
I don’t think he’s regretting anything. That would require humility of which he has none. The existence of people like him are the reason that wars happen.
I was in my late 30’s when I stumbled across his book in a ‘for sale” bin at a local bookstore. I will give him credit, he can be hilarious. But we all know that men in their 20’s have the emotional fortitude of a 3rd grader. As I put the book down I was torn between hating him, admiring him, or feeling sorry for him. I’m afraid he is regretting the path that got him were he is now. As evidenced by the title of his recent book> If you have to tell me your awesome, you don’t believe… Read more »
“But we all know that men in their 20′s have the emotional fortitude of a 3rd grader.”
Really? Casual Misandry FTW!
This is one thing that bugs me, if an MRA said this, it would be used to tar the entire movement as misogynist, yet equally misandrist statements are flung about like confetti and no one cares.
Tucker Max told the whole world, over and over, that he is a bullshit artist. My advice is to believe him. Taking his latest pose at all seriously seems pointless to me.
“I am a hero to every male under 25 in this country, and many over that age”
Thank God that was a blatant lie, otherwise we heterosexual women would have no one to date and I would still be virgin.
Haha never heard of him! Obviously I’m not in his target market. Loved the ‘I’m paleo, no carbs…’ um check the pineapple and canteloupe, last time I checked fruit was a pretty good source of carbs. Well it’s what appealed to me, what can I say, I am a dietitian!!
Heh, I noticed that he thinks lentils and whey are part of a Paleo diet, too. Whatever. He doesn’t sound like a role model, he sounds like he’s following half of L.A. from the Paleo salad bar to the yoga studio, and with as little clue as most sheep as to what he’s doing. I never heard of the guy—guess he’s not doing anything important to me, like Tom is—but Tucker Max sounds like an Acme(TM) Anus. Did his mother give him that name?
I am curious about what your messages to him said. His response said you didn’t approach him correctly. Were you professional? He says you engaged in name-calling. If that’s true, could it be the reason he didn’t want to be a part of your discussion?
PR stunt. This guy’s frat boy schtick got old. His movie was a gigantic failure and he ended up having to do most of the financing himself. So there goes the “I’m a celebrity and loved by thouusands” thing.
The only way he’d get press now is to do something different. Zen my ass.
Hilarious!
I met him a radio station six years ago. If there was a walking talking man doll called Douchebag it was him. He was intentionally rude and proud of his flaws. Keep in mind I was almost 36 years old, he was in his late 20s, shopping the I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell stuff. People change. Even douchebags find some light. AS we see what real women hating is like at age 61 – Rush Limbaugh, I think the younger rogue that talks about “negs” and bagging bitches is actually just a boy postponing manhood. I hope he… Read more »