When somebody you care about lets you down, the easiest thing to do is to stew in your emotion. It’s only natural that we want to feel bad for ourselves, and it doesn’t help our case when we are right. Yes, your best friend really did forget to call you on your birthday — but what real benefits can you draw from feeling angry or sad about it? Few, if any.
Habitual letdowns are one thing, unrealistic expectations are another. We often expect miracles just because. We can’t plan for the worst everywhere, and sometimes, our hopes run high in places where they have no chance of ever being fulfilled. Why should your first submitted manuscript be accepted by the first publisher you send it to? Mostly because you’re excited about having completed a hard project — but that doesn’t mean there won’t be any further obstacles around the next corner.
Only once there is an objective improvement you can see to be made should you voice your concerns. There are plenty of times we can better our relationships this way — by sharing our feelings, suggesting a new communication habit, letting others know how we hurt and why — but for every one scenario when speaking up matters, there are three, five, or even nine when it doesn’t. Most of our problems happen in our heads and should be managed there.
The best use of disappointment I can think of, for now, is to turn letdowns into leadership. Rather than lower your status relative to the disappointer by taking a hurt-victim-stance, rise to the occasion. Rise up high and well above, making new fuel for a better future from a batch of sour grapes.
When your team doesn’t come through on an important deadline, salvage what you can, then rally them into succeeding on the next project with a pep talk for the ages. When your spouse forgets the milk, make up a new recipe that doesn’t require any. And when your best friend bails on you at the last minute, change your plan to something that’ll ensure you’ll still feel that you had a great day.
Like any other emotion, disappointment is a signpost, and it rarely points at other people. Read the directions carefully, make the most of the journey, and be forgiving to yourself when you lose the way.
Grab a copy of Nik’s book, 2-Minute Pep Talks.
2-Minute Pep Talks is a collection of 67 jolts of inspiration for more hope, comfort, and love in any situation. With more than two months of daily inspiration across five categories, 2-Minute Pep Talks will make you feel more comfortable in your own skin, remind you to love yourself enough to ask life for what you truly want, and provide you with the world’s scarcest resource: hope. Whether you’re looking for a pick-me-up, new perspectives, or more fuel to accomplish your dreams — if you’re ready to regain that light, passionate, optimistic feeling we all used to possess as children, this book is for you.
AVAILABLE NOW ON AMAZON!
—
This post was previously published on Niklas Göke’s blog and is republished on Medium.
Subscribe HERE
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
 |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: iStock
