You receive a message from a man who ghosted you the previous year, but it’s not an apology or an explanation.
Instead, it’s a casual “hey” followed by friendly emojis.
Confused about its meaning, you put down your phone.
Later, you receive a text from a man you went on a date with recently, who didn’t seem very interested, so you assumed it was a missed opportunity.
Suddenly, he sends a message asking if you want to “Netflix and chill.” Did you misinterpret the situation?
Text communication can be difficult to navigate. This is a common issue among many people. I explain to them that there’s a reason why it’s challenging because text messaging wasn’t intended for deep conversations.
Here’s Why You’re Struggling
It’s often stated that a majority of communication is nonverbal, with research by body language expert Albert Mehrabian concluding that we interpret a person’s message through:
- Their nonverbal cues (55%)
- Their vocal tone and inflection (38%)
- The words they use (7%).
Recent studies indicate that words play a slightly bigger role, but the majority of communication is still nonverbal.
Given that words only account for 7% of meaning, how does this affect text communication?
It can be challenging to interpret the meaning behind a message, particularly when you’re not well-acquainted with the sender.
The lack of nonverbal cues and vocal inflection makes it difficult to understand the context of their words.
The good news is that it’s not just you — text messaging is confusing because it requires more than just written words to understand someone.
Other Reasons Texting Is Confusing
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Two more factors that can make a man’s text messages confusing are:
He sends messages that he would never say in person.
For example, after a coffee date with a man who seemed kind and polite, he sends you inappropriate images and vulgar proposals.
This phenomenon is known as the online disinhibition effect, where people tend to behave differently online than in real life.
They type things they would never say face-to-face. This can have both positive and negative effects.
Some shy people may find it easier to open up online, while others may express their feelings more easily through text messages.
However, it can also lead to negative consequences.
Online interactions lack the social norms that govern face-to-face interactions, and as such, some men may feel comfortable behaving in ways that would be deemed inappropriate in person.
For instance, a man who knows that it is not acceptable to make vulgar proposals to his date in person may feel that it is acceptable to do so via text.
Additionally, you may have experienced a great text conversation with a man, but when you meet him in person, he struggles to hold a conversation.
Some men feel more comfortable flirting through text and may have trouble with face-to-face interactions. While text messages can be a good way to get to know someone, genuine relationships are built on in-person interactions.
Therefore, a man who is only comfortable texting may not be a suitable partner.
Another reason a man’s text messages can be confusing is…
Texting is more like a game than a genuine conversation.
During a conversation, you are present in the moment, speaking candidly and expressing your thoughts.
You don’t have time to carefully craft a response. You can elaborate and clarify your point of view as much as needed. Face-to-face interactions are more genuine and revealing than text conversations.
Nonverbal cues such as body language make it difficult to conceal your true emotions, whereas text messages only reveal the words you choose to type, making it easy to hide one’s true feelings.
Texting allows for the opportunity to carefully plan out responses, to reveal only what you want to reveal, to communicate strategically, and to even send the same message to multiple people without them knowing.
Want to Know What He Means? Do This
When you understand that text messaging is more like a game than a genuine conversation, you can have lower expectations and not take it too seriously.
Texts are limited and do not provide enough context to know the sender’s true thoughts and feelings. Texts are like hints, they generate curiosity, test the waters, and create opportunities for connection.
If you want to understand what is truly going on, encourage him to talk with you face to face or over the phone. You can try sending him messages like:
- “Hey, I remember you! Can I see your face? I have a few minutes free for a FaceTime call.”
- “I am busy now but I would love to know more about your intriguing invitation. Can you give me a call tonight?”
- “I would love to hear the sound of your deep, sexy voice.”
- “My fingers are getting tired of texting. Let’s catch up! How about a coffee?”
You can gain more insight in ten minutes of chatting than days of texting. Don’t let men conceal their intentions by sending you vague texts. Encourage him to talk and find out what his body language is truly saying.
Conclusion
Understanding the confusing texts that he sends can be a challenging task, but it’s important to keep in mind that text messaging was not intended for deep conversations.
The lack of nonverbal cues and vocal inflection can make it difficult to understand the context of his words. It’s also important to be aware of the online disinhibition effect and how it can affect how people behave online.
Additionally, it’s important to remember that text messaging can often feel like a game rather than a genuine conversation.
To better understand men and their communication style, I highly recommend checking out “His Secret Obsession” by James Bauer.
This book delves into the hidden drive that motivates men and offers practical advice and real-life examples that will help you better communicate with the men in your life and create a deeper, more fulfilling relationship. It will help you tap into the secret need that drives men and create a connection that will last a lifetime.
Discover How to Tap into His Secret Obsession and Create a Deeper Connection
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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