You haven’t heard from her all day, but she has been active on Facebook. You wait a couple more hours, and nothing. To add to the frustration she just posted on her Snapchat story. Why is she ignoring you, but paying attention to the rest of the world?
We have more ways to communicate than ever before, and just as many ways to be ignored. A missed text message can be frustrating, and even more so if they are also active online. Silence is now one of the top causes of insecurity in a relationship. Overanalyzing a few hours of silence, and tracking your partner’s activity, or in other words, stalking, will burn you—and your relationship—out.
The ability to see how other people communicate has also complicated things. Before social media it was a lot harder to check-up on people without them knowing, and you couldn’t compare how they communicated with others, with how they communicated with you. Our minds have a hard time differentiating between our experiences and the ones we see online. Let’s say you have a fight with your partner, and you end the conversation incredibly angry at each other. Immediately following, she posts literally anything online that has nothing to do with you. You get more frustrated with every like and comment, because in your mind you two are still fighting. The argument happened, but life doesn’t stop, you just now have a front row seat to things that have nothing to do with you or your relationship.
When you start a new relationship, it’s a mistake to believe that your partner communicates just like you, or his or her life stops just because you have a fight. This is OK, and doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with your relationship. If you find yourself stressing out about how much your partner communicates, you may have an unhealthy attachment to communication. Take some time off of social media, put your phone on silent, and try to keep your mind occupied with other things. Most importantly, identify that the issue isn’t your partner’s ability to communicate; it’s your insecurities with the level of communication.
Your relationship should make you happy. Insecurities hint at deeper issues in your relationship, or in yourself. Before you demand your partner communicate in a way that better suits your needs, what is it about the relationship that is causing you to worry? Focus on the cause, not the symptom. Now if you truly are not happy with the levels of communication in the relationship, then the next best solution is to understand your partner’s assumptions. Sit with your partner and ask her to write the level of communication she thinks you need, and what does she think your expectations are. You should do the same. Openly discuss any differences that you find, and what you truly need. This will either improve the relationship, or get you out of one that isn’t working for you.
Photo: Getty Images