Courage, dear heart, courage. If you could look at the conversations I have with myself, that phrase would resonate the loudest. Coming from a place of trauma, grief, and heartache, embracing vulnerability was a struggle. The phrases: you aren’t good enough and you are worthy were at war with each other. I decided that I wouldn’t let my negative thoughts win on this one. Falling in love has been the most surreal experience to date.
When you fall in love, you take off the one thing that you wear if you’ve been hurt; your armor. I held up my shield high and tight until the love that was being poured into my hands forced the shield to the ground. I embraced vulnerability that is the true definition of nakedness. However, to be intimate with another person is so much more than just taking off your clothes and initiating sex.
Intimacy is sharing your deepest fear and being supported by the one you love. Intimacy is crying in the middle of the night because of mental illness and having your partner hold and kiss the struggle away. It is an exchange of energy. A groove. (the best dance beat you’ve ever heard) A hand to hold in the darkness and the light. An indescribable connection. It is empathy.
It is shared experiences i.e joy of being together. Intimacy is being able to recognize and address what your partner wants and needs. It is showing an interest in your partner’s hobbies. It is falling in love with their quirks even when their OCD rubs you the wrong way sometimes. Love is in the details such as having socks ready for them because you know they get cold feet. Forehead kisses just because you like the taste of their skin. A glance when you’re in the middle of bustling gathering. A commitment. An embrace of flaws and imperfection.
Love is a promise. A promise to yourself to handle a heart with care. To water each other’s gardens. Intimacy is the will to have those brave conversations. Honesty. Celebration. Diligent daily work. Sweat. Grit. Companionship. Being and staying true to yourself. Lastly, it is quality time spend with each other.
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