Walking Away From Toxic Ties Is Never Easy

Have you ever caught yourself crying a liter of tears because you can’t move your feet? You can’t lift it up for it was squeezed between two rocks? You’re badly hurt but it seems so hard to unearth an escape? You have the apparent list of reasons to shut the door and leave but…

What’s holding you back?

I pressed my face against a pillow on one dusk of January. I didn’t know the perfect words to say to justify why I am having a hard time walking away from everything that burns my skin.

I look for answers through a crystal clear glass, through a white painted wall of my rented apartment and even through the water that runs above my head whenever I take a shower. I was insanely anguished to walk away but I can’t. I was incarcerated behind the bars of some strange and unknown reason. Everything was vague and hazy.

Weeks of sleepless nights until I figured it all out.

. . .

Toxic ties was once a string of love.

Before it all went down and fell apart, the relationship you have with a certain person or circle of friends was picture perfect. It looked flawless and felt dreamy. It was something you can’t afford to lose — it was absolutely priceless.

Hundred days of pinky promises, I got your back eternities, and I’m just here series until it has turned into a once upon a time tale. Who would not miss all of that stuff?

It is hard to walk away because deep within, you still hope that you could go back and rekindle what has been faded. Behind the curtain of those good old days are the present emotional struggles that you tend to set aside. The waves that harshly hit you back and forth but still bestows pleasure because you’re wading into the sea of fun —happened years ago.

Your eyes are still wishing to catch a glimpse of that thin silver lining. But how long could your heart bleed optimism? When does the battle between the past and the present end?

You have to do something.

. . .

You have to turn every soft spot into a solid hard rock.

My heart’s too delicate and fragile. One wrong move, it’ll break silently. Tears stream down to my cheeks as three am hits and I could not deal a lot of ghosting episodes. I am too soft.

But toxic relationships have taught me to push myself against the wall. I have to harden my heart, hard enough to face that the fibers of the string I’m holding unto are no longer strong as it was years ago. That its thread isn’t worthwhile to reassemble anymore. It was severely tangled.

Break free. Scream at the peak of the mountain until your wild voice echoes down through the city. Forget about your fragility and turn every morsel of vulnerability into solid hard rock.

That will make it a lot easier to walk away.

—

This post was previously published on Change Becomes You and is republished here with permission from the author.
—

***