Want a Better Love Life? Take a Dating Hiatus

I took 2 years off from dating in my early 20s, and that changed my whole perspective in finding what’s so-called “true love.”

Yes, it was lonely. Yes, there were days when I wished I could date someone cute in my college so I wouldn’t be so alone on Valentine’s day. Overall, the FOMO feeling was hard to ignore.

But I also knew deep down I needed to stop thinking or chasing guys who didn’t appreciate me in the first place.

I needed to remove the urge to change their minds and commit to me.

Do you see my real problem here? And how many people are actually dealing with this same problem that they’re stuck in the toxic dating cycle.

When you’re in your early 20s, you don’t know what you want in a partner yet. You don’t have a list of what’s your ideal relationship. And most times, someone will come into your life and make that list for you.

If you’re lucky, then you’ll have a great dating experience, and maybe it leads to marriage a couple of years down the road.

But if you aren’t? Then heartbreaks, trust issues, and other past trauma will haunt you forever.

The importance of taking a break from dating

In a world where dating can happen from just one swipe-right, of course, taking a break from it doesn’t sound like an appealing idea. It brings out lots of FOMO feelings.

“Everyone is on Bumble. Are you sure you want to skip this for months just to be single?” — I heard your friends say.

I get it. It’s not easy — I’ve been there. I’m 28 now, and I can tell you I don’t miss out on anything in my dating life just because I took that long hiatus before. In fact, it made me realize my worth and how much I deserved to be loved.

There’re many other reasons why taking a break from dating at least for six months is good for you. Especially when you notice you’ve always fallen for the wrong people. When it becomes a pattern, it’s a sign you need to hit that “pause” button.

Let’s say you always date someone new right after the breakup, but then the relationship never lasts long because of one or two issues. You need to take a moment to think about what’s actually wrong. This doesn’t mean it’s you or your partner.

This can be your mindset and the way you see a relationship in general.

Taking a hiatus will help you love yourself better.

There’s no point in doing self-care routines every day when you don’t feel good enough every time you’re in a relationship with someone.

I used to be that someone who worked so hard on my career (I still am), but then I still couldn’t figure out why guys didn’t love me enough. I always fell for the wrong person who wanted to take my freedom away by restricting everything I did).

So when I finally took the break, I had this big realization that I had different needs and perspectives of life that these guys couldn’t match. They were religious Muslims who wanted their wives to wear hijab and not work in an office. And the idea of traveling the world together as a couple never crossed to them.

While me, on the other hand, wanted completely different things. I wanted to be free doing whatever I like, even if I’m in a committed relationship, and I never liked the idea of staying in one place for too long.

Had I not taken the hiatus, I’d probably end up settling down for something so much less.

Taking a break from dating gives you clarity. It gives you new perspectives on who and what you actually want. It’s always nice to have someone to share the life with but doesn’t it mean you should just be with whoever wants you? No.

You have full control of choosing who you’d want to be with — and taking the time to see whether you’re compatible with this person in the long run or not. Because I’ve seen those who never do this always end up miserable in their long-term relationship.

Being in a relationship doesn’t always make you happy.

Another benefit of taking a break from dating is to help you figure out how to be happy on your own. We’ve been taught since we’re kids that at some point in life, there’ll be a prince charming come to save us.

The reality is we don’t need someone else to define our happiness. This is hard to believe when you constantly put your happiness based on your partner’s hand.

There must be something you can do to make yourself happy — something that has nothing to do with being with someone. You can start a new exciting project, discover new hobbies, or go travel the world.

The options are limitless — you just need to trust yourself that you can do it. That life has to be more than a relationship.
—

This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

You Said ‘Race’, but Are You Actually Talking About Race?

Understanding the Nonbinary: Are You Confusing Gender With Sex?

The Difference Between Compassion for Those With Disabilities & Ableism?

‘Masculinity’ Is Having an Identity Crisis

—

Photo credit: Shutterstock