If you’ve had a good run, give others a turn to shine. Next, how about transforming your nation working as a full-time dad?
On an early Tuesday afternoon my daughter and I play at South Park. Games of follow the leader, snacks and of course tag headline our agenda — typical activities for me, a full-time dad.
Raising my kids full-time is a memorable chapter in my “storied” life. Not as fun as the chapter that chronicled frolicking until dawn living in exotic cities abroad. But it surprisingly tops the chapter I spent scaling businesses, presiding over executive boards, and jet setting the globe en route to dinner with dignitaries.
It is a chapter — which if you have the courage to write — I highly encourage you to try. Writing it may not only transform you, but also our Nation.
Imagine what could happen if you freed up your spouse’s time so that she may focus on building the type of career you had a turn to craft. Could an increase in full-time dads increase the number of female CEOs, board members, or politicians? Could a more diversified management class advocate for gender wage parity and reductions in workplace harassment? Could an increase in full-time dads increase women’s labor force participation, which in turn raises a country’s median wages?
Could raising your kids full-time position your spouse to run a 500-person division like my wife?
Full-time dad is a job I considered as an executive, but never truly envisioned. Perhaps visions were impaired by personal ambition? But, noting how quickly my kids were growing recalibrated my ambition.
Research suggests the merits of my recalibration. First, children with involved, caring dads tend to have higher academic achievement. Second, daughters are more likely to pursue leadership and management positions. And third, husbands and wives form stronger bonds. These three tenets correlate to psychologically and emotionally healthier children.
In addition to healthier children, spending your days with them creates a reservoir of priceless giggly memories. It relays glimpses into their lives like the distraction a teacher’s knuckle popping habit causes. Their friends know you. Plus, it’s likely you’ll return to your high school weight thanks to regular bouts of tag, monkey bars and the ‘floor is lava.’
If by chance you are intrigued by my civic minded proposition, especially now during the current Great Resignation, I offer the following advice.
First, bring a professional mindset to the role.
Executives succeed when they prepare, strategize and motivate. Professional athletes succeed when they practice, strength train, and study opponents. Professional dads succeed when they plan activities that play to a child’s strengths or provide growth opportunities. Consider structuring your days to facilitate exploration, independence and creativity. Envision ways the day may unfold and prepare for the unexpected. Consult with subject matter experts, attend parenting seminars, and read the literature.
Second, get comfortable getting dirty.
While it’s easier to delegate, the more hands-on your approach, the more well rounded your children. Consequently, when appliances break, consider “YouTubing” it and fixing it together. When the house frowns, split up the responsibilities and have them clean alongside you. The deck contractors bid $30,000 to complete, we built for $6,000 with permits. Getting dirty hones children’s math, planning and problem solving skills. The approach leaves dirt under fingers, scraped shins, and bumblebee stung ears. It empowers four-year olds to yell unbeknownst, “I changed the batteries on my doll.”
Third, you don’t need private school if you are involved.
Many of us work to finance private schooling because public schools are not an option. That said, research suggests that children’s success stems from parental educational achievement and involvement — not private schooling.
Committing to public schools requires a material personal commitment. To make public schools work, consider cultivating relationships within the school community, to add committed eyes, hearts and minds to your child’s rearing. Set up events, manage school budgets, or counsel school leadership. Reinforce academics with personal lessons. It’s onerous, but so is board meeting prep, disciplining staff, or launching a product. Consider it just part of the job.
Fourth, figure out your side hustle.
Instinct forces most men to provide. Consequently, consider a side hustle to make a little extra cash and bellow your manly ego. I run an Airbnb studio; write; trade in my personal account; restore junk and sell it for a premium. The cash could cover your San Francisco property taxes as well as fun weekend jaunts. Over time, it may establish diversified, recurring income streams to fund retirement.
And fifth, learn to take mental health breaks.
As most parents can attest, caring for children never ends. When you raise your children full-time duties grow exponentially, there’s no clocking out, and vacations are non-existent if work tags along. To avoid burnout, consider scheduling a weekly escape without children. Make naps your friend. Surf Wednesday’s Pacifica waves. Follow my lead by indulging in Friday chocolate ice cream. And thank your spouse for the humbling newfound perspective you’ve found.
One final thought.
I understand my privilege. Staying home full-time is not a reality for single parents, or for most minorities like my Puerto Rican gente.
But, if you’ve had a nice run, why not give someone else a turn? Raising your kids full-time is a good gig and one you will appreciate over the long term.
The Nation will appreciate you.
Fulfilling my civic duty by indulging in Friday chocolate ice cream
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internal image courtesy of author
