Wanted: Person to Run Top Secret Organization

Today, we here at Life Explained (#lifeexplained) are working on an organizational chart. It is not an idle exercise. Last week we were planning to get lunch, a little reward for a year of hard work; well not the whole year, goals reached, sometimes, accomplishments, in a way, and teamwork, occasionally. The planning seemed simple. All we needed to do was pick a day, a time, and a meal.

We met in the Kitchen / Break Room, on the 6th floor. That is where the party was going to be. It made sense to have the meeting there.

We could experience the aura, ambiance, and the party details would flow from the feeling of the room. That was the plan, anyway.

We started with a little small talk, some polite conversation. Shortly, we commenced business.

“We should have Pizza.” Bob, from Research and Development, said. “Giuseppi’s is great, close, and they deliver.”

“No,” Bob from Building Services, said, with emphasis. “We have pizza all the time, my department is sick of pizza. We should have Indian Food, it carries a wide variety of flavor, and textures, it is a rainbow of options, and tastes. We never have Indian food. There is a great little place not too far from here. I will pick it up myself.”

Bob, from Accounting, would have none of that. “Indian food for that many people would be ridiculously expensive. We might as well just feed everybody money.” He was angry, and it showed. He was shaking, and his voice trembled. “We should have a pot luck buffet, everybody can bring in their favorite dish and some paper plates, and plastic cutlery, and maybe a roll of paper towels to use as napkins. It will be so fun, and interesting, a look into the lives of all of our associates.”

“Yeah, that is a great reward for a wonderful year of sacrifice, hard work, and dedication, fix a meal for your coworkers, some of whom have been goofing off most of the year, and will probably bring something awful for lunch. No thanks.” Bob, from Marketing, said.

Bob, the accountant, threw a solar-powered calculator across the table. It bounced off of Bob the marketeer’s head. He jumped up, pulled a stapler out of his briefcase, and tried to smash it into Bob, the accountant’s hand. He missed, and staple stuck in Bob from R & D’s sleeve. He swung his fist, missed, and knocked a cup of ice water into the lap of Bob, I don’t remember which Bob, sorry.

Things got a little out of hand, and the fight spilled over into the hallway, Bobs were wrestling, fighting, rolling down the aisles between the cubicles. Curses and cries of agony were echoing off of the walls. Chairs, desks and tables were overturned, and people were starting to swing table legs, notebooks, and computer keyboards.

Fortunately, everybody has been working so hard all year that they have not been making time to go to the gym. It did not take long for the combatants to end up laying is sweaty, panting, useless piles all over the 6th floor, and the worst injury was to Bob’s hand. He fell asleep laying on his arm and sprained his thumb.

We decided the best way to say thanks was donuts, coffee, and some money, everybody was very grateful, except for the people on the 6th floor, who are waiting on new desks, chairs, tables, and keyboards.

We decided that having one person in charge was probably a good idea. Someone who would make the tough decisions, like what to have for lunch. So, we developed this chart, now we need to decide who to plug into all of the slots. If you have what it takes to run a world-class, top-secret, research facility, with ties to governments, and corporations around the world, and solar system, and beyond, please apply in the comments, and we will schedule an interview unless we decide to hire a friend.

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Previously Published on Life, Explained

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