We Don’t Love “Perfect People,” We Love “People” Perfectly

Having high standards are important for maintaining and protecting your own self-love and peace of mind. Without “high standards,” we risk the chance of allowing abusers to manipulate their way into our lives, and if it’s not that extreme, we still run the risk of living a mediocre life that may not bring out the best in us: passion, excitement, inspiration, excellence, clarity, and joy. However, let’s be honest, how tall and how wide is your heart chakra for loving people after they fall short of your expectations?

I’ve read countless articles and watched countless YouTube videos from professional coaches offering “5 Tips,” “10 Tips,” or “20 Tips,” for what to accept and not accept from a partner. And then there are the videos for “Traits of A High-Value Woman,” or “Traits of A High-Value Man.” While these are great educational tools to understand how important the selection of our intimate partner is, they sometimes leave little room for real-life human error which perhaps, unintentionally trains people to become impatient and judgmental if they’re not perfectly aligned with their partner every day of the week. In other words, their standards may be so high, that they’ll even silence their own intuitive guidance system by prioritizing what they’re currently experiencing at the moment while shutting out the bigger picture for long-term success.

For example, what if you actually met a “High-Value Man or Woman” who happened to be going through a rough season in life which affected their mood and decisions in a way that it’s never done before? And so, you assume that their low vibe might be the way that they are all the time and end up letting them go, only to find out that months down the line, they were just going through a rough patch. But by then, that person may not trust you anymore because you killed a budding romance with your critical thinking instead of allowing the power of spirit to guide you.

Don’t get me wrong. Even if a person is displaying all the right traits, if your gut is warning you that something is “off,” then that’s something to pay attention to! However, on the contrary, if someone is displaying some bad traits like “fear,” “sadness,” or “anxiety,” and yet your spirit is directing you to stay with them despite the cloudiness, you should probably trust your gut because maybe that person just needs a little patience from you. Wait? Are you saying that you should leave and wait for a better time to reconnect? Well, what happened to being “human?” If a person happens to show insecurity, does that automatically mean that they’re not confident? To my understanding, even the most vibrantly confident people can express insecurity once in a blue when triggered, or if life suddenly pulls the rug from underneath them — and they may not necessarily immediately bounce back if they need a minute to process what just happened.

It’s interesting how many people don’t tend to look beyond the surface, to feel the energy and spirit of a person instead of just believing what’s being said or done at the moment.

How often have you or someone you know, silenced their own intuitive hunch while trusting someone else’s false mask after watching some videos that talked about “The 10 Traits of A High-Value Man or Woman?” Since the person you’ve been dating hit all the right marks, you invested yourself deeper into them — for a few months or even years (because they played all their cards right)? And yet, down the line, when the real them started to slip, you realized that they were cold, callous, and selfish, but their manipulative ways had you believing that they were such a great catch because they did all the right things that a so-called “High-Value Man or Woman” would do.

Meanwhile, you may have skipped a perfectly great relationship because instead of trusting your heart space, you made a superficial choice that seemed like it made “more sense” because things either looked great on paper, or it was just more acceptable by the world’s standards.

But spirit doesn’t operate from the ego; it operates with an infinite intelligence that knows the past, present, and future. Haven’t you ever had to choose between two jobs, and despite one offering a higher salary, it may have been the one with the lower salary that was actually a better fit, also promising long-term potential where you would’ve been happier down the line?

Relationships work like that too. Sometimes, (not all the time) the one who maybe lives too far, has a deep age gap, comes from a different walk of life, or just seems like an illogical decision, could actually be the soulmate to stimulate your expansion. But, if you’re too quick to let someone go because they didn’t meet all of your standards or perhaps made a mistake, you might miss out on a chance for real love while settling for someone you thought was a better match, but actually wasn’t for your highest good at all.

Image by Priscilla Du Preez

Luck will be the coincidence that naturally brings two people together, but the individual choice will be what keeps them together or tears them apart.

I hope that so far, this article is making sense because I don’t suggest “settling” for the underdog in your life or allowing fear to run your choices — and, I definitely do believe in aiming high and being selective with who you allow in. But I think, it’s not just a question of having high standards but of what qualifies as high standards, and do you give enough flexibility to real human error when it comes to life lessons, growth, mistakes, and learning each other? For example, we can’t read each other’s minds, know what someone’s triggers are, and/or problem-solve in 5 minutes.

Let’s say that one of your standards is that you want someone who owns properties instead of renting because you value your finances as a successful entrepreneur and so, you want a partner who will invest their money with yours in order to multiply it as a couple. That’s fair. But, let’s say you meet someone who has everything else you need like the time to travel with you, creative ideas to upgrade your business, loves your children and/or pets, lives pretty close, they’re supportive when you’re sick or feeling discouraged, and they’re aligned with you in all other areas of life. Would you cancel them out just because they earn a much lower income than you? I’ve seen people do this. I’ve actually seen people make “logical” decisions that would affect their finances by edging out a great person because one of their high standards was that they preferred a person who had already achieved a substantial amount of success — not knowing that perhaps in 5 years time, the person with less income might actually earn much more money, but by then, they might be with someone else who was willing to stand beside them while they grew.

Again, having high standards is great! We want mature, responsible, purpose-driven, loving, confident, and compassionate partners — or do you? Everyone has different preferences. And differences are what make life juicy. But, life does have a way of changing our minds after it teaches us a few things. Even the mainstream media changes with time, so I’m mindful of every YouTube video I watch, every article I read, and every piece of advice I take — even from a life coach, therapist, or teacher. With all of the information out there, I listen, learn, and watch while processing it with my own spiritual understanding of what it means to be human; to be flawed, imperfect, and ever-changing. Thus, when I’m dating or in a relationship, I give them grace through rough patches because no one arrives as being the most perfectly pristine angel. Nor will I. Nor will you. So, by all means, have high standards, but don’t have unrealistic ones because real love happens with real growth.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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