The Most Common Lie Men Tell
When I saw the question, I froze in intrigue. I cocked my head curiously as I tried to take a guess. I was at a loss.
“What is the most common lie men tell?”
Based on the flood of comments, every man knew the answer. And while the exact words varied, the sentiment was the same.
As I scrolled down and saw the responses, my heart slowly sunk into sadness as I saw that there was a clear consensus.
Every man knew the answer.
But I had no idea.
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The Brutal Reality
How many times have you greeted a man and brightly asked, “How are you doing?” with an expectant smile — the kind that assumes he’s going to share glowing news about his work, relationship, kids, or latest endeavor.
Then we inevitably hear, “I’m great!” or “All good.” or “I’m fine — how are you?” After a brief chat of small talk, we part ways.
Maybe we politely avoid mentioning their recent breakup, or once again asking how their job search is going after getting laid off, or how they will spend New Year’s Eve.
Sometimes the answers to those questions are awkward to hear. Maybe that’s why we don’t ask.
And so we keep things shallow and easy and friendly. On the surface, everything looks great as we smile, laugh, and part ways, saying we’ll catch up more later.
But maybe that man walks away thinking how he successfully masked that he’s barely holding it together — and no one has any idea.
“I’m good” — seems to be the mantra of all men, whether it’s true or not.
We need to make it okay for men to tell the truth.
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“I need to go to the hospital — right now”
An ex-boyfriend hid how severe his work stress was until the night he sat down at dinner, looked up, and said, “I need to go to the hospital right now.”
I knew he was stressed, but he did his best to mask how intense it was weighing on him.
He didn’t mention that he had been having chest pains for several weeks. He thought he could handle it — until three days in the hospital proved he couldn’t.
When men aren’t okay, we need them to speak up before it’s too late.
And we need to make it okay for them to do so.
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These Men are Not Okay
I know a lot of men who look like they are living a damn good life. They are out, living well, looking sharp, and posing in photos showing off a life every guy dreams of.
But I know the stories of some of these people.
Here’s what I see.
A guy who cannot seem to get ahead no matter what he does. He’s killing himself for little progress while everyone else is getting promoted, buying nice cars, and settling down with the woman of their dreams.
A guy who lost nearly everything in his divorce and is barely getting by. He’s working three jobs that’s embarrassed to tell people about, and can’t afford to go out with his friends so he barely sees them.
A guy who is secretly terrified of facing a health issue that is starting to really scare him — he can’t face it alone and is too embarrassed to tell anyone about it.
A man who can barely contain his rage over the betrayal of his ex-fiancee who left him for his best friend and is destroying his reputation with false rumors and overt lies.
A 32-year-old guy who lost the love of his life in a tragic accident. The loneliness and dread of facing the remainder of his life without her is more than he can bear.
A guy who is fighting off severe depression — he has to force himself to go out and be social because if he doesn’t, he’ll spend the night googling the best way to kill himself.
On the surface, on social media, when you see them out, and in all the pictures online, these men all look like they are “doing fine.”
But the truth is many of them are struggling in profound ways. For some, it’s persistent, for others, it’s temporary. Regardless:
Let’s make it safe for men to say, “I’m struggling. I’m not okay. I’m not in a good place. I’m scared. I’m worried. I feel hopeless. I feel helpless.”
And maybe we need to give men a chance to say, “Me too”.
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Looking to Other Men for Support
Perhaps men need to know that other men have been there and survived. Maybe it would help to hear that other men are struggling too.
Even the tall, handsome, most talented guy in the room who exudes confidence has something deep that he’s struggling with that no one knows about.
Every man I know — even the most successful ones — has a story where they didn’t want to be on this earth and didn’t think they could make it through.
We must re-establish a brotherhood that shows other men aren’t alone in their journey on this earth.
Most men know how to play the game of faking it until they make it. They know how to look sharp, mask their true emotions, be the confident man others expect them to be even in the face of danger, uncertainty, and terror.
They bear a tremendous weight in society, being the providers, the protectors, and the assumed leaders.
Even when a woman assumes these roles, the moment she sits down or needs to take a break, it is the man who must stand up — and remain standing if needed.
The world expects men to be the first — and the last — man standing…. no matter what.
Only a man can truly relate to the trials of another man.
Every man must have another man whom he trusts and can confide in.
It’s time to start the conversation.
And it starts with saying “Me too”. ❤
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If you resonate with this story, I encourage you to post “Me too” and share it with someone who needs to hear this. Whether it’s something you can relate to right now, or you are a survivor of an incredibly difficult time in your life, let other men know that you can relate — and that there is hope and a path forward.
🙋🏻♀️ I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments — chime in!
❤️ There is more to come. Follow me!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Christian Erfurt on Unsplash
