We Used to Be Newlyweds … (Sigh)

Angela Keck knows that magical ‘just married’ feeling is gone for good. But she and her husband have found something better.

______

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, we were newlyweds. 

Watching television in the evening meant snuggling together, spoon style on the couch. We were the couple every other couple envied.

We held hands.

We went on dates.

We hurried home to see one another. He told me I was beautiful. I happily did his laundry without any complaints about the amount that landed outside the hamper instead of inside the hamper.

Cooking dinner for him was a treat, a way to show him how much I loved him. 

When he shopped for my birthday it was a daylong event at the mall, describing me to saleswomen so he could get the perfect item, the perfect size and surprise me with a beautiful new outfit he knew I would love.

I wore perfume.

I washed my hair.

Wearing his t-shirt meant I was sleeping in it, not leaving the house in it.

♦◊♦

Years have gone by, life has changed, children have arrived, and time has become more rushed.

Making dinner has become a nightly chore, something that must be done, and something that someone will have a complaint about.

Laundry has become a never ending task, the laundry hamper is never empty, and chances are clothes are beside it because they fell off the mound on top.

Watching television means sitting in separate chairs. 

Holding hands happens on designated date nights, which are far less often than they used to be.

Rushing home now means someone needs to be there to get the kids home, or so that the other parent can leave.

Kisses are asked for, and hurried. Romance is at the bottom of the priority list.

Once upon a time, we were newlyweds.

Now we are parents. Now we are that couple who has been married forever. Those newlywed days are a distant memory.

Now doing something sweet for each other takes thought, effort, and planning.

Now date night is a rare treat. Not just a Saturday night. 

We occasionally hold hands, but inevitably a kid will say “Ew, stop that!”

If I’m lying on the couch with someone, there’s a pretty good chance that I gave birth to them. 

This isn’t to say that love disappears over time, but it is to say that it definitely changes. I also happen to believe that a successful and happy marriage requires much, much more than just love. Love will get you started, but it’s not enough fuel to make it through the long haul. That requires something much different because the day to day grind, the “real life” stuff can suffocate that love you have for one another if you don’t watch it.

We used to be newlyweds.

Now we’re the old married couple, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

Sure, we sit in different chairs when we watch TV, but he doesn’t mind if I read while he flips channels.

Date nights might be more infrequent, but they are every bit as cherished.

He knows when I’m having a bad day even when I haven’t said a word. 

Shopping for each other isn’t a full day adventure anymore, and that’s because we know each other so well we don’t have to spend an entire day at the mall. I know instantly if something is what he would like or not, I still enjoy surprising him but it doesn’t take nearly as much effort as it used to!

I know all his little quirks and pet peeves as well as I know my own (probably better)!

We used to be newlyweds … (sigh) …

… but I’m so glad we are now that old married couple.

Photo—John Carleton/flickr