We’re Not Dating, but We’re Not Not Dating

I didn’t pick up the word situationship from a dictionary. I learned it through my own experiences.

It’s when someone knows your favourite food, sends you good morning texts, and shares their life with you, but hesitates if you ask, “So what are we?” You feel close but not chosen, connected but not secure. This is hard to admit, being in a situationship is hard.

A situationship is not just confusion; it’s a pattern.

Situationships didn’t become common because people don’t want love. They grew out of fear, fear of what it costs when love doesn’t work out.

A situationship Is A Relationship That Never Fully Arrives

From the outside, a situationship can look like a real relationship. There’s attraction and emotional closeness. Sometimes it’s even exclusive, but without the responsibility that usually comes with it.

It’s like sitting in a taxi with the engine running but no destination in mind. You’re moving, but you don’t know where you’ll end up. Somehow, you’re supposed to be okay with that.

Sometimes I think of situationships as emotional waiting rooms. You’re not struggling enough to be admitted, but not comfortable enough to leave. So you wait, hoping someone will call your name.

Why do situationships feel right nowadays?

These days, breakups rarely stay private. They turn into screenshots, TikToks, or jokes on social media. Being vulnerable now can feel like giving someone material for later.

So people choose to keep things unclear. It’s not that they don’t care, but showing it openly feels risky now.

A situationship lets you say, “I never promised anything,” even if your actions say otherwise. It allows emotional closeness without having to take responsibility.

For a while, that can feel like you’re in control.

A Situationship Is An Emotional Flexibility Myth

People often call situationships emotionally flexible, modern, and mature. There’s no pressure, no labels, and no expectations.

But that kind of flexibility only works if both people want the same amount of space.

In reality, one person usually wants things to be clear, while the other wants comfort without having to commit. One puts in emotional effort, while the other enjoys the benefits without the responsibility.

That imbalance isn’t obvious at first. It shows up slowly, through delayed replies, avoided talks, and questions that become harder to ask.

A situationship is like renting a furnished apartment. You make it feel like home, even though you know you could be asked to leave at any time.

You buy plants, hang up pictures, and start to settle in emotionally.

But you never actually signed a lease.

So when it ends, you’re not just missing the person. You’re also mourning the idea that staying mattered.

Why Are So Many People Are Choosing Situationships Anyway?

Situationships thrive in a culture that values independence over interdependence. People are always “working on themselves” and worry about committing to something they might outgrow.

There’s also the fear of settling, and just as much, the fear of being someone else’s second choice.

Ambiguity becomes a way to balance wanting connection with protecting yourself.

But compromise doesn’t always bring peace. Sometimes it just puts off the pain.