What Are the Badass Personality Traits That Make You Most Attractive?

Aswe all know, the beauty industry for men and women is one of the most lucrative out there, often raking in billions — maybe even trillions worldwide yearly. The ad spend on beauty products, fashion, and other categories is also in the billions, which means we’re bombarded with messages around attraction daily.

What I’m here to talk about is something that doesn’t cost a cent but can enhance what you do spend money on, making your hard-earned money go into things that are genuinely “you.” In other words, I’m not saying that the beauty industry is 100% wrong or superficial.

I believe that consciously, they can be just another tool in your arsenal of authentic being and expression.

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So what are the personality traits that make you attractive?

Confidence

I’m not talking about pretense, game, bravado, or some artificial way of being. I’m talking about knowing who you are, accepting your flaws, and realizing all the ways in which you’re awesome. We all have special abilities and traits unique to us, and the confident person knows that in those traits lies great power.

Unfortunately, due to parental or societal conditioning, many people believe that those traits are too far “out of the box,” and displaying or utilizing them will get them ostracized. Perhaps in some cultures or family systems, they will, so they remain hidden. Unfortunately, the shame or guilt associated with this hiding erodes confidence.

Staying Out of the Results

Detachment from outcome, going with the flow, acceptance — all of these describe one thing: a mode of being that’s relaxed, not anxious. This is an extremely attractive state, whereas living from a place of anxiety, worry, or fear is repulsive. It accomplishes precisely the opposite of what’s desired.

People gravitate toward those who are solution and action-oriented, so replacing worry with action is a surefire way to become more attractive. It also does wonders for overthinking and endless rumination. The more you can embody a “no matter what happens, I can handle it” attitude, the more confident, calm, and attractive you will become.

Balancing Your Masculine/Feminine Energy

Jung popularized it, but the masculine/feminine energy concept goes back to recorded history, so it’s nothing new. We all have a masculine and feminine side, but of course, we tend to lean more in one direction. Generally, men have been more masculine, and women have become more feminine; however, this has become much more fluid over the last few generations.

Unfortunately, many people close their eyes and go with what’s trendy instead of getting in touch with who they are and bringing that consciousness into a relationship. This is even more confusing because people often show up one way while dating, only to change as time goes on in the relationship.

This alone has spelled disaster for countless relationships. A common pattern is for a man to embody his masculine energy during courtship, then slide into a more feminine position as time goes on. In an attempt to balance things out, the woman becomes more masculine and trusts the man’s ability to lead less and less.

When this happens, conflicts turn ugly as the relationship heads away from consciousness and into an endless stream of petty fights and a growing wall of resentment.

Embracing Your Sexuality

Actors, models, celebrities — they all have one thing in common: sex appeal. In other words, they don’t hold back their sexuality. Most celebrities use their sex appeal to drive their success, either overtly or covertly. The good news is that you don’t have to be a celebrity to follow suit, and embracing your sexuality and letting it radiate outwardly will make you more attractive.

This doesn’t mean you have to dress provocatively all the time or act like Marylin Monroe in Some Like It Hot. Occasionally downplaying your sexuality and creating contrast will enhance your seductive charm. The point is, staying out of shame, guilt, and away from the inner critic regarding sex will give you that animal magnetism celebrities embody.

Men, in particular, have a hard time with this, either by going too far (the Douchebag) or holding back too much (the Nice Guy). Brad Pitt, David Beckham, George Clooney, and of course James Bond are all good examples of men who embrace their sexuality in a balanced way.

Being Mature, Yet Playful

One aspect of attractiveness that people confuse with old age, conformity, and rigidity, is maturity. The mature person can be young, fluid, and changeable, with a conscious separation from their emotional inner child. In other words, the mature person knows when they’re acting childish and can course-correct quickly.

That said, well-balanced maturity also knows the appropriate times and ways in which to be playful. They don’t act like a child to get their way or mitigate their anxiety but act with spontaneity and fun when the moment calls for it. They’re aware of how their words and actions might affect people and behave appropriately for their audience.

An immature person is often inappropriate, saying and doing things that offend others or violate their boundaries. Immaturity lacks consciousness and is usually only concerned with what they’re getting. The mature person goes for the win-win and acts in mutually-beneficial ways.

This, of course, is highly attractive.

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Being attractive goes far beyond looks, even though cars, makeup, clothes, and general aesthetics play a prominent role. These tangible aspects can consciously express our internal state rather than adhere to a trend or display a false image.

More important than the outward displays is the internal state of confidence, self-acceptance, balance, and consciousness. Being in tune with our higher self, taking our best action, and staying out of the results, will give us a sense of ease because most people operate under generalized anxiety — their minds occupied with the past or future events.

You, on the other hand, can be like a calm lion who just finished a meal. You know that things will never be perfect, and you don’t need them to be because you can handle it. You embrace challenges and the growth opportunities they present and share your knowledge freely with others.

The attractive person knows that there’s enough to go around.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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