What Deeply Insecure People Do to Sabotage Their Relationships

When you’re insecure, trying to keep a relationship together is a lot harder.

I wish more people understood this concept, rather than blaming it on the other person and constantly thinking they haven’t found the right one.

If you keep dating the same type of person and end up getting hurt, then maybe you should look deeper into the issues within you. Otherwise, the bad cycle won’t stop.

There are lots of things that insecure people do to ruin their own relationships — without them even realizing it. Here are some examples and hopefully by reading this, you won’t do the same.

Not caring enough about their jealousy issue

I used to be a very jealous person. When I said very, I meant it. My then boyfriend would act friendly to a cashier and I’d be upset.

In short, it didn’t take much to make me jealous and that’s not good.

The problem with jealousy is that most people react to it in a way that could sabotage their relationship. Rather than taking a step back and asking themselves if it’s necessary to bring that up, they blame it right away on their partner.

That action itself only makes the situation worse.

Sure, it’s a valid feeling but is it your partner’s fault? Not really. Most times it has more to do with the unresolved issues you have internally.

I know it’s a bitter pill to swallow. Blaming our partner every time we feel jealous is a lot easier than dealing with our issues — let alone fixing them.

But that’s how the cycle keeps happening. And sadly, most people aren’t even aware of it.

“It’s about me! me! me!” attitude

Deeply insecure people tend to think more about themselves and their needs than their partners. It’s always about their perspective that’s right, their way that’s better.

When there’s a fight, they want to prove their partner wrong so badly that it’s no longer about the issue anymore. Their ego is high and they care so much about winning arguments with you.

That’s why sometimes dating insecure people can be mentally draining. Because it feels like you’re feeding their ego all the time for them to feel good.

I’ve had an ex who would constantly talk about his career life and how great he is. I knew he was insecure and he needed some validations from my end.

And at the same time, I should’ve cared less about his willingness to listen to my stories because people like that won’t have the space for anybody else but themselves.

Playing the victim card all the time

Have you been with someone who made you feel like you were in the wrong all the time? Not a single moment do they apologize yet they expect you to.

That’s one of the things that extremely insecure people do to ruin their relationships. They like to act like they’re the victim.

They never acknowledge that they might be wrong once in a while. They want to be the ones who are hurt, sad, and miserable. When their partner is truly sad, they refuse to sympathize because it’s only them who can be like that.

“If you are not willing to tell someone what makes you feel uncomfortable or “less than” compared to them, it will be difficult to have an intimate and authentic conversation with them.” — Marcia Reynolds Psy.D.

In short, insecure people like to pull the victim’s card because that’s their way to make themselves feel better. It’s like an ego boost every time they see their partner beg for forgiveness.

This is harmful to the relationship because, at some point, the person you’re dating will get tired of the game and eventually leave.

One emotionally secure friend once told me, “it doesn’t matter how perfect a girl is, if she acts like she’s the victim all the time, I won’t stay for too long. Too much of a drama can wreck your mental health in the long run.”

The Bottom Line

Of course, no one’s perfect. We are all insecure in one way or another.

But that doesn’t mean you can just blame your bad emotions on your partner. In an adult relationship, both parties need to be aware that they shouldn’t expect each other to bring lifetime happiness.

They’re still individual who needs to work on their issues constantly. No one likes the idea of ‘babysitting’ their partner and being responsible for their happiness.

I wouldn’t be with someone so insecure that he always blames me every time he feels jealous/not enough. That’s not what people in a healthy relationship do.

So if you’re currently dating one, know your tolerance limit. There’s only so much emotional roller-coaster you could go through.

And if you’re the one who feels insecure all the time, it’s never too late to start working on those issues so it doesn’t ruin your relationship even further.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***