What Do You Do When Words Are Not Enough?

I don’t know what to say or do.

Maybe there are no words appropriate for a situation like this.

What can you say to someone who’s lost a child?

Nothing seems right. Nothing seems good enough.

Nothing even seems helpful. All the words you can think of just feel devoid of meaning.

…

No matter what you do, the pain remains.

The grieving parents continue to grieve. Their hearts continue to break, long after they had to say goodbye. The thing they want most cannot be done. No one can fix this for them. No one can change the course of events and set their lives right again.

Because what they want, more than anything, is for their child to be here — but they’re not. What they want is to hold their baby in their arms. But they’ve gone away, and nobody can understand why.

All anyone can do is wonder, Why did this happen?

…

But even that is torture.

Wondering gets us nowhere. The mind just goes in circles, causing more and more heartache. There is no explanation that’s acceptable to a broken heart. Nothing makes sense. Everything is blurry and heavy.

So, what do you do? What can you do?

…

Just show up for them.

Grieve with them. Be a witness to their grief. Let them talk about the child they lost. Sit with them while they cry. Give them a hug. Hold their hand. Offer your help or your time.

You can’t fix this for them, but you can be present.

Your presence alone will help make them feel a little less empty, a little less alone.

…

Most important of all, though, don’t forget about their child. That’s what they’re most afraid of.

They don’t want their precious loved one to be forgotten, as if they never existed.

So, if you can, talk about them. Ask them questions. Look at pictures. Share a poem or a song you come across that reminds you of the one they’ve lost. Write something about their child and give it to them. Plant a tree in your yard that will always bring that loved one to your mind.

Every way you can, let those grieving parents know that you haven’t forgotten about the precious life that ended too soon — and that you never will.

…

There may be nothing you can say to console them, but honouring their child’s memory might be the greatest gift you can give them.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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Photo credit: Trym Nilsen on Unsplash