What Do You Say When a Friend Asks You on a Date?

There’s no denying that many relationships begin as friendships. Nevertheless, it’s tricky to navigate. It can cause a predicament. Should you cross that line?

Should you be bold enough to change the dynamic?

Should you ask out a friend that’s now becoming more romantically attractive?

I recently found myself in this dilemma.

A friend asked me out.

I was at a loss. I adore this person. I am not attracted to him. I found it difficult to respond. It’s much harder to decline the invitation of someone you’ve already come to know and love.

It’s more painful.

It’s far easier to say no to someone you’ve just met.

There are so many ways to skirt the interest of someone new. It’s easy to joke, be evasive, walk away, or be direct. You don’t have to agonize on how to carefully script your response.

The stakes are lower.

A friendship increases the stakes.

You want to remain friends with this person.

Last year I also found myself in this situation. Albeit, with a significant difference. There’s a guy that I’ve known for years and we’re friends. Something changed between us.

You could feel it.

You could notice it.

It was mutual.

We discussed it. He thought it had always been there to a degree. I didn’t but who knows because I’ve been a reluctant dater. I tend to ignore some of my feelings.

But back to that difference.

There wasn’t any guesswork.

He knew I could feel what he was feeling.

There was an unexpected shift in our relationship. There was a definite attraction. Who knows why or when that happens but it can. And when it does it’s far less risky to cross that line.

It’s less dangerous to exit the friendship zone.

There’s less likelihood of damaging the friendship and hurting feelings.

But if you aren’t certain…if you’re guessing…if you’re the only one feeling a shift in the friendship…it can be problematic.

Does that mean you shouldn’t go for it?

Far be it from me to tell someone to miss a romantic opportunity.

But you may want to think twice.

I responded to my friend with honesty and sincerity. I declined his invitation to dinner. I emphasized our friendship and told him my feelings for him aren’t romantic.

It didn’t make it any less awkward.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.