One man dared to asked the question about what women want in a dance.
*A minstrel was a medieval European bard who performed songs whose lyrics told stories of distant places or of existing or imaginary historical events. Although minstrels created their own tales, often they would memorize and embellish the works of others. The Modern Minstrel observes the world around him and shares it with us as lyrical story. This series was inspired by Luke Davis, whose eye for story and ear for lyrical prose are featured here.
They say romance is dead, that there is no excitement or mystery, that the feelings of being special have been relegated to a lost past. But I dared to ask what women want in a dance and women are still looking, searching, longing for romance, yet at the same time seem hesitant to acknowledge it. In one breathe they say dancing isn’t about romance, it’s about presence, openness, excitement, mystery and feeling special yet is this not the very definition of romance. There is a strange duality afoot where they rightly don’t believe in the prince charming form of romance yet can perfectly describe romance as if reading from a dictionary. As men we assume the romance that we read is the romance we need to give but should we not look to the actions of women who find what they are looking for in a dance partner. They don’t seem to be seeking perfection but rather they seem to be seeking romance. This is the dilemma we as men face, what we think women want against what women truly want.
They say that chivalry is dead and many a man and women would agree. But ladies still like to be asked, to be escorted to and fro. It’s a part of feeling special, that this dance is just for them. You see chivalry is about the wellbeing of your fellow partner, that they are protected from the mire. A woman would like to know that while in your arms you offer surety and safety, that their steps will be led with precision, their trust in you well placed. They would like to close their eyes and feel the music’s heartbeat knowing that they shall not collide with others on the floor. They say chivalry is dead yet I hear women talk and see how they act, they may agree chivalry is dead but the man who treats her with respect also gains their respect.
They say that trust is dead and everyone is in it for themselves. But ladies want to trust you, they want to believe you can be relied on. It’s a part of feeling special, that this dance is just for them. They want to believe you won’t hurt them, to trust that they won’t be dipped suddenly or trodden on. They allow you close; they allow you to hold them and they allow you to lead them, and for three minutes they want to trust you that you won’t violate that closeness. They want to trust you won’t treat them like an object to throw around, or that they aren’t there for your pleasure. They say that trust is dead yet I hear women talk and see how they act, they may agree everyone is in it for themselves yet a man who is open, honest and vulnerable to his partners needs will find that openness, honesty and vulnerability is returned.
They say excitement has been lost and in the age of adrenaline junkies that may be so. But ladies want that excitement, they want to be thrilled. It’s a part of feeling special, that this dance is just for them. A lady would like to feel graceful, poised and alive; it’s the thrill they search for in every dance. They want you to find out how skilled they are and be pushed to the edge of that skill, but no further. They don’t want the moves they can’t perform, it makes them feel ugly and clumsy. No, the excitement they seek is when music and moves flow together, when their heart beats to the tune of their feet and their body comes alive. They say that excitement has been lost yet I hear women talk and see how they act, they may agree excitement is hard to find but I see their flushed cheeks after a good dance and if as a man the dance has been exciting there is a good chance she feels the same.
They say mystery has been lost and in the age of science that may be so. But ladies crave this very mystery, they want to be intrigued. It’s a part of feeling special, that this dance is just for them. They want you to look them in the eyes as if they are the only person in the room. They want you to feel them on the other side of the connection; they want to know you can feel them as much as they feel you. They want to be lost in your lead, lost in a world of movement and connection, not knowing what comes next but feeling it nonetheless. They want to know that every fibre of your being is concentrated on the dance and them, and through that connection they will feel this too. They say that mystery has been lost yet I hear women talk and see how they act, they may agree they are looking for perfection but I have seen lesser dancers become sought after partners because of this very air of mystery.
They say that romance is dead but I hear women talk and I see how they act. Romance isn’t dead, nor has it been forgotten. Romance lies covered in trashy magazines and badly written novels, but it is still there. I hear them talk and see how they act; they are avoiding the cliché but they embrace the essence of romance. Do not listen to what you assume, they know the clichés are meaningless; they don’t seek a replication of some lines from a book. No, women want you; the exciting, authentic, mysterious, passionate person that is you. They want that directed at them so for three minutes they feel special, graceful and alive, that this dance is just for them. It’s your gift to them, your presence, and in a dance woman know that this is what they truly want.
Authors Note : A special thanks to those women who answered my questions honestly and I hope I did your answers justice.