What Does Real Partnership Look Like In Marriage?

As I inched closer to my wedding day, I started asking myself some much-needed questions about partnership. After all, marriage is one of the strongest forms of partnership you can embark on in this lifetime.

So what does it look like to have a solid partnership?

So I have compiled a list of things I have learned along the way. Some of these were established a lot earlier over the years through couples I have known, and others were reinforced during pre-marital counselling sessions.

Teamwork

Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much. Helen Keller

In a marriage, good teamwork manifests itself when each person works towards their strengths to make the household run smoothly. It’s beautiful to be able to rely on someone and say, ‘they have it all sorted — they are really good at doing that.’ Then, on the other hand, there will be things you are responsible for that you also do exceptionally well. So when you have your areas of strength and focus on that, it makes doing life together an easy task.

What support actually looks like

When someone truly loves and supports you, they challenge you, stand beside you when you need them, and give you the space you need to roam free and grow as a person.

Support is about encouraging each other to go after what you both want. For example, you might be looking for a better job. Your partner might support you by encouraging you after a rejection. Sometimes, they’ll even go as far as to send you job applications.

When this happens, it shows how much your partner cares about you. It shows that they have your best interests and want you to thrive. When you want each other to succeed, you will both look out for each other and do things to help each other become better people.

Helping each other even when its not easy

One of my primary love languages is acts of service. These are the acts you can do for your partner to make their life that much easier. I cherish this because I know how much effort it takes to go out of your way to make my life easier.

For example, my husband wakes me up in the mornings when I have a particularly early start because he knows I am not a morning person. So if he isn’t around, he calls me and speaks to me on the phone to get me to wake up. This has been a life-saving technique to ensure I make the early meetings and even get to work on time on the two days I go in

Keep each others secrets

Your partner should be able to trust you with their innermost secrets, knowing that you will not share them with anyone else. This is what intimacy is all about: being free to share your thoughts and fears about the world without it becoming the next topic of conversation amongst other people.

If you want to share something your partner has told you, ask them for their permission first. If they aren’t comfortable with you sharing this information, then don’t.

Support each other through tough times

Being a partner means there will be times you will need to provide assistance and care through tough times. For example, in the case of sickness, your partner may rely on you a little more for basic care. In times like this, you must be a reliable source of support that doesn’t waver.

Remember that one day you might need to rely on your partner to help you when you’re sick with a cold or the flu.

In addition, the marriage vows mention something about sickness and health. So there is a good reason that vow is in there in the first place.

Keep improving yourself

To be a great partner to someone else, you need to work on improving yourself constantly. There will always be things to improve on that could make your relationship much better. For example, if you are always quick to get angry or have issues with communication, you could level up by finding out precisely what gets you angry and working on that, probably with a trained counsellor.

To have a better relationship with your spouse, you need take ownership of the things you need to improve.

This takes me to my next and final point.

Review your relationship regularly

Just like performance reviews at work gets you working hard to achieve a common goal that aligns with the business need, a relationship review can also help you and your partner work towards a common goal to improve your relationship.

According to an article by Psychology today:

Researchers at Clark University are demonstrating that couples can improve their marital quality by carefully evaluating their marriage in a structured way, not unlike a traditional workplace performance review. These check-ups, which once could also compare to an annual physical, are a chance for a couple to take stock of their relationship, set goals, and make any necessary adjustments.

Here are some of the questions you might ask as part of the relationship review:

What am I doing well?
What am I not doing so well? and why?
What can I do next time to improve this?
What support do you need to improve?

In Closing

There are so many more ways you can work to be a better partner to your spouse. I started writing this article weeks before I got married. Then as I settled into married life, I slowly started writing out as I learned more and more about what it takes to be a good partner to my spouse. I am not perfect and I am still learning even the ones I have listed here. I hope I will be sharing more as time goes on.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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