Relationships. The most beautiful experiences a human being can have is an intimate relationship. Human connection is what makes us evolving fast, what makes us emotional and pushes us to move in with our lives. We are each others teachers and students at the same time.
I would like to talk about all kinds of relationships – romantic, friendships, family – as we grow and fall in all of them similarly. There are quite basic qualities which for sure will make any relationship better. Unfortunately being in our heads, guided by our big EGO, we often can’t see where our attention is needed the most in a relationship. We act egoistically, say words we don’t mean, do things we’d rather not be doing. Its human and we all make a lot of mistakes in our relationships. It’s a big joy therefor to find somebody who can hold space and let us thrive. To be surrounded by people who believe in the good and see the good in us, who give us hope, who show us beauty in small things and with whom we can have a light, greta time full of laughs and joy.
Everybody who’s seeks personal, spiritual and mental growth knows that an intimate relationship is the clearest mirror of who we are. I dare to say that entering a real mature romantic relationship is very courageous, because we can’t run away from ourselves and our traumas and in a relationship all mental crap and traumas will come to the surface very fast.
Many years of dating the „wrong“ men – who though taught me priceless lessons – many years of reflecting on myself in my family and friends relationships, many years of being single let me to one conclusion: The relationship begins and ends with US. Of course we have to learn to compromise, to be understanding, but at the end it all breaks down to how we respond to other peoples qualities and what relationship we have with ourselves. Also no relationship is alike and everything we learn in past relationships sometimes can be a hurdle for a new relationship as we learn to label. I try to see every new relationship is a completely undiscovered space – a new childhood lived.
As for myself, I would like to manifest new level of intimacy and trust in my relationships – be it my sweet family, my beautiful friends or romantic love, which I truly believe will reach each one of us very soon:
Patience. Being patient and loyal to the BEING of the significant other. Being compassionate and sensitive about the experiences, the scars or past traumas. I intend to be patient to try to do my best to understand the other person, even if it is very difficult.
Communicating clearly what is on our minds and in our hearts. Even if we are able to feel each other we don’t know what the other person is going through. We can only speak from our own experiences. It’s often hard to communicate what is really going on inside of us because we make ourselves very VULNERABLE. We fear of being hurt and rejected, so that we’d rather often distance ourselves and close our hearts to other people. I intend to be clear about what I’m going through and what I feel. And I intend to give the other person enough safe space to communicate.
Personal space. Some people need more space others less. Giving each other space is the non-plus ultra of a functional relationship. I intend to try my best to give to the other person enough space to evolve, to think and reflect. I don’t wanna push anybody as I don’t want to be pushed. We’re all traumatized in some way and some of us need more space to heal. This space is sometimes seen as rejection, but often all we need is a little time to check in with ourselves and move on – together or not.
Respecting each other emotions & needs. As someone who is utterly emotional and who often says a lot of unnecessary words in a high sensitive emotional state, I intend to give myself a permission to feel my own emotions to let them flow. I intend to respect the emotions of anybody close to me. We have different needs and handle our emotions differently and its the beauty – loving the differences of each other and respecting the needs, even if they seem absurd to us at times.
Less expectations. We’re just humans, making our experiences, learning on the way. We are disappointed because we expect too much from one another. I learn it the hard way all over again. Too high expectations, too many fantasies and then boooom: frustration. I intend to expect less and just let things enter, accepting the flow of life as it is.
Respecting ourselves. Who is meant to stay – will stay, its not a cliché. Why would we run behind someone who runs away? It doesn’t matter if its an old friend, who doesn’t feel a connection, even if it is a “toxic” family member who makes us unhappy, even if its a partner of many years: self-respect has nothing to do with ego or being indifferent. It’s choosing to live a healthy life. Eliminating people who make us unhappy is a very healthy act to do. Choosing ourselves over those who don’t care about us. Life is too short, really. I intend to choose myself and grow this love inside, so I can share it with those who care and about whom I care very much.
Nothing is more beautiful than intimate, authentic, honest, loyal relationships. We thrive together. When we see this beautiful reflection of one another in each other’s eyes, when a parent looks at us with love, when our friends holds our hand when we cry or laugh, when our partner stays by our side when we feel like we are worth nothing … this is true bliss and wealth.
The art of having healthy relationships is finding this childish unconditionality inside of our hearts, where we don’t expect, don’t judge, don’t hold grudges, forgive, give space, show emotions, hug, love, kiss, give our presence.
I truly believe that we’re racing towards this healthy concept of having healthy, honest relationships where we can be ourselves, where we can just enjoy love and presence of each other. There’s no other option than to let all the suffering pass and just celebrate life, love and togetherness.
Much love to all in 2021.
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