As the years have marched on by, I’ve learned that love happens intentionally.
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Falling in love is easy and exhilarating. Staying in love is just plan work.
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Hallmark has it on a card. Chocolate gets it from a bean. Diamonds capture the sparkle, but where does LOVE live? We expect our love buckets to be filled by other people, shiny things, and feelings that mimic Hollywood warmth and magic. And then we are disappointed when glitter, pleasure, and individuals don’t fill the gaps in our souls. Falling in love is easy and exhilarating. Staying in love is just plan work—rewarding but hard work. Here’s a few things he’s done for me that rocked my world.
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Flowers: I’m not a fan of spending a fortune on a dozen roses which can be triple the cost during the Valentine week. On Feb 1st, I found a vase on the kitchen island with one carnation in it and a note that said, “You are too special to me to be celebrated on just one day of the year.” And each day I found another carnation in the vase for the entire month!
Stickers: Little red heart stickers beginning a week before Valentine’s day started showing up in places I spend time. I found two in the bathroom mirror. One on my computer where I write, one on the stove, inside the refrigerator, on my purse, stuck to my debit card, etc. And on Valentine’s day, I found a gift card for my favorite mocha stand and when I got in the car to go get my coffee, the inside of my car was covered with 50 little red hearts! For the next year, I would not let anyone take the hearts down. It made me smile every time I saw them.
“It’s not on the one, it’s not the mambo. It’s a feeling; a heartbeat.” { Johnny to Baby from Dirty Dancing}
Homemade Valentine Card: One year, he gave me a hhomemadeValentine card… it was primitive, but inside, he took the time to write down special memories for every year we’d been married… (quite impressive since at the time we’d been married 29 years!) That’s a lot of work!
Special Dinners: Going out to a nice dinner, getting dressed up and enjoying the ambiance is the typical Valentine dinner date. My guy told me we were going out for dinner, but I didn’t have to dress up. That intrigued me. (I did wear sweats and a sweatshirt as I was told, but his silky Valentine was underneath my ugly clothes) He drove us to a beautiful look out spot, had a blanket for sitting outside and a lunch sack. Once comfy on the blanket, I opened the bag to find two fish filets, fries, and a strawberry milkshake—all from McDonalds. He’d remembered our first date menu from when we were 15 years old! He scored BIG for that memory!
Why are these gifts so much more special to me than the typical heart, card and dinner? It’s because I know he spent days thinking about me and planning. It means the things I gush over, he understands and is paying attention to what warms my heart.
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What gift was the best gift of all? When we were younger, I rode horses competitively. Trail riding and barrel racing were my passions. While dating, I convinced my guy to ride with me. On the last ride, we shared together we agreed to meet me at a trail head but not understanding my directions to avoid the south field, he crossed a field anyway. The field housed a stallion, and he was riding a mare in season. For those of you who know what I’m talking about, you understand the horror of the next scene. For the rest of you, understand that being in the middle of intense horseflesh lovemaking is a dangerous place to be. He got off the horse, walked to the trailhead and still today tells me if he’d lived during the cowboy era, he would have WALKED!
Together after 45 years… this man gets Valentined often!
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But this Valentine’s Day, I found us standing in a stable in the mountains of Washington. The trail boss approached us with two horses and a packed lunch as he explained we’d be riding into the mountains for a picnic that would take us about three-four hours that day. When I looked back at my husband’s grinning face and said, “But you hate horses!”
He responded with something that reminds me every day why I married my reluctant cowboy. He said, “I know you gave riding up when we got married, and I wanted you to know that I love you so much more than I hate horses.”
Together after 45 years… this man gets Valentined often!
When I was young, I believed love just happened and that I had no control of falling in or falling out of love. As the years have marched on by, I’ve learned that love happens intentionally. It lives within the day-to-day demonstrations that say, “You matter to me.”
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Photo: Flickr/ Jonathan Lwowski
Thanks DJ. I applaud your happiness! It seems you’ve found your love language, and hers and it’s working! I’m thankful I chose wisely too and it appears my man feels the same way! When he read my article before I submitted it, he was surprised that what he calls ‘the little things’ mean so much to me–and they do!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Hon? Is that you? How did you know that I visit this site? Kidding. I liked it, and as said, the only area that I disagree, or actually the term that I disagree with is that love requires work. I’m reminded of that saying, “if you find a job that you truly love, you will not work a day in your life”. I had to work at my first marriage; my second has been effortless. We are, above all, best friends, peas in a pod, and partners in crime. She makes it easy. She takes forever to find a card,… Read more »
“Staying in love is just plan work—rewarding but hard work.” I could never understand this…I still cannot grasp this mentality. If you love someone, how in God’s name is it considered work? I think love and being “in love” works in the minds of most people like drugs and alcohol. They need another hit or another shot to feel good. This is a very immature way to view love. When I was married, I truly loved my then wife. Never a single day did I consider it work or hard work loving her. Even after the marriage fell apart, there… Read more »
Thank you Jules for your comment. Don’t get me wrong, I love my man and have for MANY years. But truth is, sharing a life, house, bathroom, etc. means learning to compromise, engage in teamwork, and embrace the differences between us. I’m an A type, he’s a B type. I’m a night owl, he’s a morning person. I’m a planner, he’s a come-what-may personality. I’m certain he sees me at times as obsessive, and I can see him handle things in a ‘whatever’ fashion. Those are the day to day things that can feel like work. We understand the working… Read more »