Nikki Brown imagines what it would be like to switch genders.
When the GMP put a call out for posts on a day in the life of a woman, it reminded me of a post I’d written last year with a group of fellow bloggers. We called ourselves the Insomnia Club (shout-out to Jacks!) and posted once a month. We all had the same topic, but we wrote what we wanted about it.
One month, we wrote on what it’d be like to switch genders.
I started mine with a conversation I’d had recently with some girlfriends on what we’d do if we have a penis for a day. I understand that this is not the same as being a man for a day – please bear with me…
Consensus in this particular discussion? We’d experience the fuck out of it. Sex, blowjobs, write our names in pee, stick it in stuff (damn straight – as long as it wasn’t a health hazard). That would be one tired penis when we were through, but I also think we might learn a thing or two.
It would be similarly enlightening to wake up as a man, to see how and if that changed things, such as my world view and how others interacted with me, etc.
Yet, as with that original Insomnia Club post, one thing that sticks with me is what if, instead of simply A Day in The Life with different organs or as the opposite gender … we couldn’t change back?
I love my vagina. L-O-V-E. I would never, in a million billion years, trade her in for the alternative model. Not because I don’t like the penis, I do, I just love my vagina. Nor would I trade being a woman in for being a man. Moreover, while I certainly challenge the gender stereotypes of womanhood, my social upbringing as a girl has generally been comfortable to me.
But. What if I wasn’t so comfortable? What if the world told me I was a certain gender, but it felt fundamentally wrong? What if every day I woke up and looked under the covers, I saw the wrong equipment? Every. Single. Day.
What if you were forced to exist in this world as the gender you do not identify or feel comfortable with? What if your social education and upbringing was for the gender that never felt right? What if it wasn’t just a day in the life? What if it was your life?
And, then, of course, imagine what it would be like to try and make a change. To find and embrace your true gender identity, not the one prescribed for you by culture or biology. The incredible honesty and bravery that would take… and the immense difficulties that poses, not just in terms of logistics. Trying to learn to exist in the world with none of the social education on how to behave as a particular gender, the education we all receive, from the moment we’re born. How do you teach yourself all of that?
Of course, don’t forget the social stigmas you will encounter while attempting to make those changes. The prejudice. The fear. The hate.
Leave behind any thought processes that say something like “well, that wouldn’t happen because you associate with the sex you’re born with.” Just drop that bullshit and any other argument you’d like to use.
Just imagine, just for now, what it would be like if Day in the Life … was your life?
Just for a moment. Let go of any excuse or prejudice or ew that’s creepy or that doesn’t really happen feelings you might harbor deep in your heart. Without sterilizing it, without trivializing it. Just: how you would feel if it were you.
Imagine.
Find compassion.
Find understanding.
Find empathy.
More than that, realize walking in another’s shoes might mean for your own thoughts on gender. Not just to find understanding for how someone else might experience the world. Not just for learning how your interactions with the world and other people may or may not be harmful to someone else.
Maybe realize even these lines are too strict. Not every one is born with either a penis or a vagina. Not all of us are comfortable being strictly woman or strictly man. When we talk about things in such black and white terms, we marginalize anyone who ends up in the gray.
When we talk about gender as a binary, who are we excluding? What could you learn from walking a day as someone who doesn’t fit, but is constantly being told they have to?
Finally, think about specific for you. What would you want to bring back with you, from this Day in the Life? What comes with more ease, comfort, or flexibility in those other shoes, that you wish you had in your own?
Can we find common ground here? Can we find compassion? Can we find understanding?
Can we also find out more about ourselves?
—Photo KLHint/Flickr
Sweet post Anthony.
There is sure a lot of honey traps out there looking to hang men with their
dicks.
The survival response is invisibility,and that is why there appears to be a lack of good men,when good men are outlawed,only outlaws will be good men.
This works as women love outlaws.
The man true to his nature is a walking target these days.No matter how very good he is.
Again, I am not trying to speak for men – but I don’t look around and see a dearth of good men. I know it is a struggle to figure out how and where you fit in a changing world.
All that said, I raise an eyebrow at this comment. Do we think all women are honey traps who want to hang men by their peni and only like dickheads?
“What if you were forced to exist in this world as the gender you do not identify or feel comfortable with?” Men and boys are retreating from the real world and increasingly living on-line lives because of this. The “male gender role” is a role of the dice in which a majority of the outcomes are negative. The increasing likelyhood of divorce forms a toxic mix with the presumption of male guilt and unequal treatment by courts and institutions. Maybe you think we are talking about two different things, but we are not. A trans person who is separated from… Read more »
OK. Obviously I can’t comment on how men feel, and I also agree that they get the shit end of the stick in many things, that I hope do change. Really, really, really. I know there is truth in this comment, but I don’t believe it is the entire truth. I do not see all men my age doing this – and I actually see men younger doing better. Yes, of course, that is a limited subset of the population. Naturally. Regardless. I can’t stand here and I have the underlying argument of what it is like to be trans… Read more »
Trouble is: this”gender-bender” business has been tried before in film and TV( “Some Like It Hot”, “Tootsie” ” “Her Life As A Man” “Connie and Carla” and the upcoming film with Glenn Close “Albert Nobbs”).
Terry
…huh? I am mildly confused by this comment…
What if you were forced to exist in this world as the gender you do not identify or feel comfortable with? I think I’d be 100% fine with that. I like women. I like women’s bodies. I think being a woman would be fine. The only down side I can think of is that my wife would be pretty upset to put it mildly. I would not want to do that to her. Were that not an issue I cannot see anything else. They all think I am a weirdo at work anyway. I would be crap at being a… Read more »
No offense, David, but I don’t think you’re taking this seriously enough. I suppose as long as you have no issue/weirdness/etc towards the gender queer, etc, then I guess ok. But – I’d say the vast majority of people don’t feel the same. Would that they all did.