#1. The good suffer because of the bad people’s actions.
#2. Therapists cannot give away all their secrets online for free. Sitting on their couch gets them talking.
They need to hear your situation to know if it’s true or all in your head.
There are exceptions to every definition. It’s an intention. A human’s motivator is what should cause harm. Instead, it can also be your comfort level and view on relationships.
Sometimes, we jump to the wrong conclusions like a Google doctor. Why? We have a definition and zero understanding of the context.
Love is a spectrum.
I view all forms of love as a spectrum.
Most people have a closed view. They think there is only a victim or an abuser when trauma occurs in a relationship.
I call BS on this perspective.
Everyone had novel experiences as a child. Your environment teaches you to keep your guard up or let yourself trust people. Feelings about looks, money, and chemistry cause unfair treatment of different people.
Pretty privilege is one of many reasons you accept love from some. Yet guard your heart against others.
Short Backstory
I wrote an article where I said gaslighting isn’t always gaslighting.
It got me thinking love bombing isn’t always love bombing either. What makes you apply the definition is how you feel about a person. Here is why I say this:
1. Ashley accepts gifts from a partner. She sees nothing about taking the man’s presents. But her friends worry about her choices. When Ashley’s friends continue to her warn her, Ashley grows tired of their concern and cuts her circle off.
2. Pam gets offended when men give her gifts. She thinks the man aims to trap her. Pam makes a larger-than-life deal about receiving gifts because she considers herself independent. Whenever women take presents from men, Pam calls them terrible names online.
There’s a strong chance Ashley is experiencing love bombing. Yet, she doesn’t see it.
Pam isn’t getting love-bombed, but she won’t take any risks.
Think about what happens after
Here are some examples.
- (Love bombing): What happens after someone is kind to you?
- (Gaslighting): What happens when you express your feelings?
- (Silent treatment): Does the person try communicating before not responding? Did you tell the person to be quiet several times yet expect them to reply? Did the person tell you they need quiet time, or is the silence abrupt?
- (Calling backup): Does the person ask third parties to give an independent opinion? Or is it social pressure to do what they want?
- (Stringing you along): Did the person move the goal post or requirements? Or did you not listen when they said, “I don’t want a relationship?”.
Trauma
Are people manipulated in relationships? Yes.
But be honest. Sometimes you regret jumping to conclusions after learning someone’s intentions or their love language.
We get warned about red flags and terrible love practices so much your first act is to protect yourself. “Leave them before they hurt you.”
Some of us only know of these dating terms by definition. If that is the case, give people time to explain themselves. Or think about what happens after kindness, fights, or when you say no. If the intention is not genuine, separate yourself from the situation.
Thank you for reading this post.
© Annie Wegner 2022-Present.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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