What Is Active Listening?

We often hear warnings about communicating via text messages or emails because those forms of written communication lack the tone and body language to convey the way in which the message is being delivered.

Absence of non-verbal cues or messages read out of context may result in texts being perceived as sarcastic or dismissive instead of joking lightheartedly, or comforting with levity the way the sender intended.

Although the introduction of emojis or emoticons has helped tremendously with these types of miscommunication faux pas moments, the risk of being misunderstood still exists.

These are some of the arguments for prioritizing in-person direct communication to prevent any of those uncomfortable, potentially harmful misunderstood messages.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” — George Bernard Shaw

Having written all of that, I want to argue the other side of why I believe writing and reading each other’s writing is one of the BEST forms of ACTIVE LISTENING!

What is “active listening” anyway?

According to Oxford Languages, active listening (noun) is “the practice of engaging closely with what a speaker is saying and indicating understanding, typically by asking relevant questions, using gestures, and summarizing.”

In my training and experience as a counselor (daughter, wife, mother, sister, friend, etc.) I would also add that the best active listeners practice habit #5 of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by author Stephen R. Covey which states:

“Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood.”

This is precisely why reading your stories hereon  Medium and investing the time to truly listen and process what you are telling me before I respond and share my own personal thoughts about the content you shared is so GREAT!!!

Rather than thinking about my responses while you are talking and anxiously awaiting the first opportunity to interrupt your train of thought with my own before my aging brain forgets whatever “brilliant” thought I find so necessary to blurt out at that moment;

I GET TO practice —

P — Patiently waiting my turn

A — Awaiting the appropriate opportunity

U — Understanding what you are truly saying

S — Seeing you through God’s eyes

E — Expectantly waiting for God to use me

The photograph above taken by yours truly from a page in the book Say Something by Peter H. Reynolds visually demonstrates one of many Good Reads on my You Tube channel shared with the hopeful objective of encouraging others to tap into the best versions of the unique individuals each and every one of us were created to be in this brief dress rehearsal we call “Life” and beyond.

Practical Application Questions

1. Do you find yourself waiting until the person you are listening to has completed sharing their entire thought before you interject your “two cents” worth?
2. When listening to another person speak, do you truly seek to understand their perspective on the subject, or do you filter everything you hear through your own beliefs and values first, prejudging the merit of their thoughts and opinions instantly before giving their statements any careful consideration?
3. Do you put your phone and any other electronic devices or other distractions down while enjoying a meal and a conversation with a fellow human to give the other person your undivided attention?
4. Is it challenging for you to leave space for the possibility that you may be wrong about something or may have something of value to learn from this other person who’s opinion may differ from yours?
5. When was the last time you made direct eye contact (assuming it isn’t culturally disrespectful with either party) with the person you were actively listening to as they shared their heart with you in a vulnerable act of trust?

“Miscommunication is the number one cause of all problems; communication is your bridge to other people. Without it, there’s nothing. So when it’s damaged, you have to solve all these problems it creates.” — Earl Sweatshirt

The reason active listening is so much easier to accomplish successfully here and makes this a fantastic place to practice is that you can give yourself permission to P.A.U.S.E. before responding to what you are reading, should you even choose to comment at all.

I pray this reminder is useful and encourage you to engage in active listening at least once today. I would delight in hearing (reading) all about it from anyone willing to share!

Happy reading, listening, learning, coffee-drinking, or whatever action steps bring you JOY as you continue along your journey today friends 🙂