What to Do After a Fight with Your Wife (Most Men Get This Wrong!)

If you ever faced a heated argument with your partner in the late night, you know how things ended.

Many a times couples had a strong fight which looks pretty raw and devastating in the end.

But then as time passes, generally people wants to mop up a heated argument.

But how to do it in the most beautiful way ?

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Generally couples do any of the following.

#1 They try to apologies quietly as if nothing happened in the first place.

#2 Few couples engage in make up sex to reduce the tension.

#3 The other common pattern is silent deep freeze condition when no one talks openly and both waits for long to defrost the difference in natural course of time.

We need to understand in any arguments there are two parts.

In the front end there are something called balance and containment.

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Balance is all about feeling safe when one partner opens up about something to the other partner.

If one partner is bullying the other for sharing his or her thoughts then the balance in the argument is lost.

Losing balance is the worst thing during conflict because once the balance is lost, one partner stops talking completely.

Sometimes both the partners are keeping quite which creates more misunderstanding and disharmony between them.

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Containment is all about keeping the argument within the emotional level and not slipping it to physical abuse, open warfare, digging past issues.

Containment helps to control the conversation and put things into perspective.

It helps to make sure that hurtful things are not said and there is no fear, resentment for future arguments.

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In the back side of the argument there is something called the making-up.

You need to make sure what you should not do vs what you should do.

You should not do the followings –

Don’t pretend it didn’t happen — You should not pretend that nothing happened in the following morning. You should acknowledge something did not worked well last night. And you need to accept it.

Don’t live in a deep freeze — Do not stop interacting with each other. Do not put your relationship in a deep freeze thinking that the other partner will take the first initiative to break the ice. Particularly if there is any kid involved. Living in a deep freeze makes the kid feel terrible. You should avoid this.

Stop punishing the partner for long — Many partners feel that stopping communication is the best way forward to punish the arguing partner. It’s called silent treatment. But silent treatment does not do any good and make the situation worse. Silent treatment is a passive aggressive behavior which does more harm in the relationship than good.

Don’t hesitate to apologize — Apologizing does not mean that you are wrong and your partner is right. It simply means that you acknowledge your words hurts your partner’s emotion and you are acknowledging it. You are saying sorry for that. It shows that whatever happened, you still care for the other person. This goes a long way in a long term relationship.

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You should focus on doing few things correctly after a heated argument.

Focus on solving the problem — You should focus on solving the actual problem which triggers the argument. If you do not think, you can fix it alone then involve your partner or spouse.

Discuss with him or her about the possible solution. Many couples avoid this because they think discussing a solution might lead to another heated argument.

If you really find yourself in the middle of another argument, then stop at that point. Take time to cool off and discuss again. Try to discuss multiple time till both of you find a mutually agreed solution.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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