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We are living in a time where parenting is more intense than it’s ever been in the course of human history. Families are smaller, so in theory, parents have more time to dedicate to each child. But, we arguably have less time because it is often necessary for both parents to work outside their homes. As I’ve discussed before, being a working parent is a new thing for me (although a dear friend kindly pointed out that there is definitely a racial component to this experience. My sisters-of-color have had their mothers work outside the home for generations) and Nathan and I are faced with making some decisions about the kind of parents we want to be.
There are a few areas where the two of us have looked to our lived experience and realized that what we want to do is the opposite or nearly the opposite of our parents. For me, that means doing what I can to get the help I need to make sure my mental health is top notch. For Nathan, that means rejecting a lot of the norms of toxic masculinity that are all around us. How we go about setting and keeping, those goals is critically important to the types of people we are raising in society.
There are also areas of our lives where we’ve looked to our lived experience and decided to adopt the attitude or approach we were raised with. For example, one of my aunts decided early in her parenting career that when it came to the house, “any job worth doing is worth doing badly.” I have to admit that adopting that mantra has helped to save me, and my spouse’s, sanity. Washing some of the dishes is better than washing none of the dishes. Nathan was raised in a home where there were some really incredible travel experiences and giving our children experiences is something we feel is really important.
As parents, we’ve also had to accept that we are both extremely introverted. We both do our best to play with the kids, but it is exhausting and sometimes we will pour extra energy into convincing them to cuddle on the couch and watch a cartoon rather than dress up or read that story for the millionth time. There is value in being present, but there is also value in keeping your sanity.
Ultimately, when it comes to parenting and deciding the type of parents we want to be it’s important to remember that what works for one doesn’t work for all. Breaking out of the norms we were raised with looks different for everyone and as long as nobody is getting hurt that needs to be okay.
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A version of this post was originally posted on RachelAHanson.Blog and is republished on Medium.
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