If you have read anything before, you might say this guy has no right to talk about marriage. I learned many things and thought I might share them, because they are things that a lot of men don’t discuss, think about, or don’t know. If men don’t know it, then how can a woman know? We think differently, so unless we can truly break down the topic for you, then you might not understand us.
Respect is love to men. What a woman may think is respect, is not what a man thinks. Respect is connected to a man’s love language. Respect is to be appreciated with words. Respect is being the only one that you have eyes for. Having things with you, no other man has had. When it is no longer virginity, it is a great joy to be the only one. Something as simple as cooking his favorite meal or trying to be interested in what he likes. This wouldn’t be to smother him, but it would show that you’re interested in what he does. The other thing is a man wants to feel useful. Most men appreciate when you ask for help, because he feels needed. So if something is too heavy and you need help, most men will be glad that you value his strength. It doesn’t have to be physical. It can be questions that you trust in his wisdom. You may ask his advice on cooking something. You may ask, if you look good in something. Men see it as respect to value their opinion.
If there are any men reading this, the thing you must remember that respect is earned. It isn’t something automatic. That is something for another article. I’ve learned that respect is earned and love is learned. It’s not easy for men to accept this, because the respect thing is a fire in most men. Whether it’s sports, video games, the streets, and yes, with women, it is something that a lot of men have died for and feel so strongly that they will fight, yell and flip out, if felt disrespected. So how can I put this more in context for women to understand and accept this part of us. In the story the Lion King, it is not the woman who is the main defender of the family. We are equal in importance but the man is to give his life first to protect you and the kids if any. If this can’t help you respect him, then maybe he hasn’t earned it, because he is a man who won’t defend your life. In that case, I hope you choose better.
So you probably want a more clear answer what is the love language that was mentioned from the famous book the 5 Languages of Love. Most would say, “Touch”. That is something that a man expects in a relationship because without fear of God or karma, he will probably find someone else to do the touching without it. If you want to shock a man with touch, then try kissing the top of his feet. The main one is, “Words of affirmation”. This is because it is the love language that shows respect to men. Words like, “Don’t worry, because I have faith in you”. Words like, “I appreciate that you’re a great provider, and all the hard work you do”. Words like, “I know it isn’t easy, but I got your back”. Those words will be hard to say, if your man has not earned the respect by being a great provider, a great Dad, or a man who has shown he will give his life for you.
This leads me to the thing that makes a man angriest without you cheating on him. It’s a lack of appreciation. If I reversed engineered all I have wrote, I would say, the thing that men hate most from a woman, is a lack of appreciation. It is seen by men as disrespect. This is another blog for later.
I recommend studying books on marriage, but if you have read this, you have a brief summary. It’s not all in the book, so I’m glad you read this. I hope it has helped someone. I do recommend the 5 Languages of Love book and the Love and Respect book. The other book is the Bible. That’s a lifetime of learning and it’s the ultimate guide.
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Thanks for reading!!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
 What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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