What’s love got to do with it? This song was playing in my mind today.
I coach men and women on how to love deeply and that love begins with the greatest relationship of all, that with yourself. I also know that in romantic relationships that love is not all that is needed. Often times it gets in the way.
Actually, in many ways, love has nothing to do with it.
We are all taught that “love is all we need”. The Beatles made a hit song on this premise.
Really, if two people aren’t compatible, “love” has nothing to do with it working. They can choose to stay in relationship due to “love” and yet that is only a choice, not the truth. The truth is that if love is all they have it will be a challenge, a hard road.
Often times people stay regardless of hardship because they can’t imagine not being with that person out of love.
But love has nothing to do with staying. You can love someone with all your heart and still leave.
You can choose someone that is more compatible and fall in love with them. Is there a limit to loving only one person? Not in my experience.
I’ve left just about every relationship (romantic) because it wasn’t healthy and that had zero to do with me loving them or not. I still loved them and I can do that without staying in the relationship.
I do believe these fantasized songs we hear are taken too seriously. Love is not “all we need” and sometimes what we need isn’t love – maybe what we need is healthy, compatible, lifestyle and self-love. Maybe love will and often does follow after all those are found.
Co-dependency isn’t the way to happiness. It’s an addiction! That isn’t love! Love can let go! Love doesn’t mean clinging.
When men tell me they love me, I’m touched but I also know that their idea of love may or might not be my idea of love.
As a society, I wonder when we are using these terms such as “Love is all you need”, as if we even know what love is!
Movies, romance novels, t.v. shows, songs all create in our mind the concept that Love is this………………. When in all actuality that is co-dependency!
We glorify that concept. We YEARN for it! We have this deep desire for something we want to hunt down and FIND that will fulfill our life! Give us a reason for living.
What’s love got to do with it? – feels more accurate to me. I still love dancing and singing along with the Beatles song “Love is all we need”. I just do not take that concept into my mind and use it as an answer.
“Love is all we need” might be true when that love consists of loving ourselves, loving others in a free way, and void of co-dependency or our fantasy world of what love is to society.
Maybe the love that we all need is the love of humans and animals of all of what this earth has to give us and self-love!
Maybe the love that we all need is called respect!
Taking time to define what your definition of love is – helps you notice when someone has a different view than you. You get to decide if that works for you, without the NEED for it to work. It just is!
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