You don’t have to like college football to like the movie ‘Rudy.’ It’s an inspiring story of a small-town kid who through grit and determination earns a spot on the Notre Dame football team despite his small size and limited athletic ability.
In one of the final scenes we see the team head from the locker room to the tunnel before taking the field, and each player, per tradition, hits a placard that reads ‘Play Like a Champion Today.’
It’s nothing more than a motivational ploy for the players to be their best. Because that’s all we ever can be, and strive, to be: our best.
So why was there the ridiculous backlash and controversy from some corners of the online sphere against Gillette’s 2019 ad?
It confronts toxic/traditional (we’ll get to that) masculinity head-on. It unequivocally places certain types of tired, offensive and insulting male behavior outside the realm of common decency and acceptance. Even better, it dismisses, with the appropriate level of disdain, the vapid, worn, outdated thinking and logic of “boys will be boys.”
No more catcalling on the street, or grabbing or touching a woman without her permission. No more demeaning or belittling comments in public, especially in a corporate or office setting. No more fighting and bullying.
It’s OK to call this ad out for what it is: a commercial aimed at driving up sales and market share for razor blades and shaving products.
But in many ways, commercialism (and consumerism) is American society’s last stand. If something is being marketed to you a certain way, you can believe it’s because someone thinks it can be successful, either today or tomorrow, in getting someone to buy a specific product or brand. Whether one thinks commercials represent the forefront of trends in America, or the confirmation of the existing zeitgeist, corporate messaging, whether as a tool of art, branding, or marketing, is as much of a representation of American values as we have.
When a razor blade commercial comes out that says enough is enough to sexual harassment, that fighting and bullying can no longer be tolerated, that demeaning treatment of women is unacceptable — and that more, men should be expected to act accordingly, some people might resist because they think if it’s in a commercial, it must be real, serious, something to be imposed upon them.
But why? Why push back against this particular message?
What are those upset by this commercial arguing against? That being told how to act, behave and think by a commercial is unacceptable? People might instinctively feel or react to a commercial that way, but the Gillette ad is just one of the thousands. No, there is something particular about this message that is rubbing some men the wrong way.
Ultimately, the Gillette commercial ends with a dual message that is unassailable: first, that the world is changing, and what was normal and acceptable before should be challenged and changed; and second, that young kids (and other adults) are always watching and learning from our behavior, and that we should strive to be role models for everyone.
I find it tough to argue with that.
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The world is in fact changing, and not by a little, and in some cases not all that slowly. And that change has bred reams of uncertainty and fear across communities and individuals. It has forced us to ask ourselves about our own identity, about our very purpose.
The commercial and the reaction to it, from those who love it, like me, to those who posted pictures of their kids with guns in some supposed angry pushback against it, shows that our society is very much grappling with what it means to be a man today.
There are so many factors at play here, and they extend beyond #MeToo.
Due to automation and globalization, the types of jobs available in America today are shrinking, and the types of high-paying jobs have shrunk further still. Today more women graduate from college than men, and single women are owning their own homes at rates greater than single men.
And within marriages or partnerships, women are as never before out-earning their partners, and it turns out that both women and men aren’t sure how to feel about that.
People may not feel comfortable with the changing attitudes towards masculinity, but there is no denying that what masculinity is and should be is very much a societal open question.
The Gillette ad dropped on American society with a companion; it’s tough to read about the themes raised in Gillette’s commercial without also seeing a reference to the American Psychological Association’s recent release of guidelines on masculinity.
Their report doesn’t pull any punches. It’s very clear in demonstrating how traditional masculinity is dangerous to both men and women, and how attitudes towards masculinity need to change and evolve.
Some of the so-called masculine traits the APA spoke out against are emotional stoicism, in not asking for help or being able to talk about problems or concerns; the inability to express vulnerability, or, in modern parlance, the need to appear strong at all times; self-reliance, which again, prevents men from seeking help, guidance or counsel; and competitiveness, which can lead to detrimental behavior and low self-esteem. The report cited disproportionate levels of violence perpetrated by men, as well as higher rates among men of suicide, substance abuse, incarceration and early mortality.
Pushback, just like in response to the Gillette ad, was quick and fierce. Writer David French summed it up: “As we survey a culture that is rapidly attempting to enforce norms hostile to traditional masculinity, are men flourishing? And if men are struggling more the farther we move from those traditional norms, is the answer to continue denying and suppressing a boy’s essential nature?…when it comes to the crisis besetting our young men, traditional masculinity isn’t the problem; it can be part of the cure.”
The APA report is actually highly nuanced and was never intended to be an attack on masculinity. In truth, it aims to answer many of the questions French, and really, all of society is asking.
What are the traditional roles of masculinity, and what is worth keeping, and which ones need to be let go?
Self-reliance is a critical skill we try to teach our kids to prepare them to be adults. But children — and adults — also need to learn how and when to ask for help.
Why do males, for instance, avoid seeing the doctor, or avoid talking with a therapist or friend? The APA cited higher levels of isolation among men. As little children, boys have a wide circle of friends. As they age that circle narrows because of self-reliance, stoicism and the need to appear strong influences men away from deep friendships and vulnerability, leading to adolescence and adulthood where men have fewer and fewer social outlets, which can lead to substance abuse, etc. It’s a vicious cycle our society self-perpetuates. And that doesn’t even begin to address the questions of men’s relationships with women.
It’s not just people like me who are asking what it means to be a man today. It feels like it’s everyone, and everywhere. It’s overwhelming. It’s undefined. It can, at times, be confusing. We kind of know what we don’t want, but it’s much harder to define what we do. Competitiveness and ambition can be healthy — but can also be destructive and toxic. How do we find the balance to that, and who decides?
Some view the changing landscape and definitions of masculinity as a threat, an attack, a scapegoating of men. I choose to look at this process as a positive, however.
Things do need to change. For men themselves, and for society at large.
We need to listen. To really, really listen and take in what the world is telling us. The lessons from #MeToo are not as simple as men are scum and women would be better off without us.
It’s that women have stories to tell about their experiences that shed tremendous light on serious, substantial, persistent problems that we should want to ameliorate. Men are suffering, too, unable to find their place in society, unable to understand their own identity, unable to figure out how and who we are supposed to be. Which brings us back to the Gillette ad.
The toxic behaviors shown in the Gillette ad need to be gotten rid of. Why try to hold onto bullying, fighting, condescension and sexual harassment?
Why not, as the ad asks, try to be the best that we can be?
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To be the best we can be. Yeah, it’s a marketing slogan. A bit pithy, perhaps.
But is it wrong? Shouldn’t we all strive, a little bit, every day, to be our best selves? To accept our flaws and our mistakes, to learn from them, and to try to get it and be better next time?
What I think the Gillette ad shows, where it’s real power lies, is how our behavior impacts others. There are many things we do to be our best selves that are individualistic: exercise, our diet, artistic endeavors, our careers.
But this ad shows that we don’t live or behave in our vacuum. What we say and do impact others. And people are watching.
I look at #MeToo as a voice. A voice telling the world the way it has been, and the pain it has created. How our society has normalized traumatic and traumatizing behavior, towards men and women.
Can’t we be better? Can’t we improve? Shaving with a particular razor blade is not part of that process.
But asking what it means to be the best we can be is. It’s worth thinking about. And it’s imperative to strive for the change that will all make us just a little bit better too and for everybody.
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Previously published on Medium.com.
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