I own a photo that is worthy of being uploaded on the awkward family photos website. It’s from a simpler time when I was only 12 years old. In it are my two older brothers and I with our idol Mike Ness, front man for legendary Orange County punk rock band Social Distortion.
Everyone in the photo looks like they are supposed to be there except me. In fact, it looks like I am photo shopped into the picture. I am off to the side, with my arms crossed and my face looking sideways at the camera with a mix between a smile and a frown. It looks like I don’t know why I am there and as a result show a face of pure, tired discomfort.
It took me forever to realize why I looked that way until it dawned on me that I was uncomfortable because I didn’t if I should smile or not.
When you’re young it seems that every time a photo is taken you are told to smile and say, “cheese!” Most of the time, such as in the case of a family photo, the photographer will find ways to make the younger children smiling. This might be why so many of us naturally smile when a photo is being taken.
As I grew up I would see photos of my music idols: musicians in the punk rock, hardcore, and metal scene, and they never smiled. I’d see photos of older brother and his friends, and they too rarely smiled. My 12-year old brain then made the conclusion that smiling makes you look innocent, and therefore makes you look weak.
So do boys stop smiling because it’s a sign of maturity? Or are they putting on a mask of what they think masculinity is supposed to look like? Or maybe I am the only one who ponders these thoughts. I think it’s a lie some boys tell themselves, subconsciously or not, that smiling displays vulnerability.
Fortunately, my “not smiling” phase quickly fizzled out, as I felt so awkward not smiling in that awkward family photo that it only felt natural to smile. I smile in just about every picture unless I am being ironic. People have told me I have “resting smile face” and I think it was always this way save for that photo which will always be ingrained in my memory a funny yet embarrassing moment in my life.
I don’t think every boy goes through this phase, but I believe that some do. The ones who fall victim to it are the ones who believe the lie, but some boys – like my brother, who was 14 at the time of the photo – do not believe such nonsense.
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