After years of dating, I finally view settling down as a good thing.
It’s draining to have to introduce yourself to a new person every 3 months. Integrating someone else’s life into yours takes energy and effort. It gets old at some point.
I met someone online who captured my attention in ways that no one else has.
A couple of months after, we decided to meet in Washington State. Here’s our story.
I was nervous as hell minutes before I finally saw his face when he picked me up at the airport. I’m never doing something as crazy as this again.
And there he was.
It was surreal to hear his voice in person, to have breakfast together, and to make plans over dinner. No longer was he a WhatsApp text buddy, nor my Facetime video caller. He was in front of me and the entire world was shaking! I was madly in love.
I took the risk & he did too. It was the leap of a lifetime. Now, we just have to work on closing the gap between the Philippines and America.
These are our plans: live and make our home together. Meet each other in the Philippines or US or somewhere else possible. This will not be easy nor cheap. This is something that will take work, moving places, and relying on our smartphones in the meantime.
To support these plans, I took a remote job that will allow me to travel longer. It also helped me save more money after letting go of my apartment to move back home. Moving back home meant living a simpler, slower life. I made all these decisions were for one person.
Is it really possible to love someone in 6 months?
We can be quick to say we’re in love. The feeling of falling is real. It’s like falling from the chair and you’re being pulled by gravity and there’s no stopping. Everything looks new. Life smells fresh. Dreams are within reach. That’s how we fall in love.
Researches say that love is a neurochemical reaction. That reaction makes us feel things.
Louann Brizendine, author of The Female Brain wrote that when one is in love, ‘the brain is in an illogical, involuntary state’ for the first 6–8 months. She also says we get that dopamine and oxytocin rush.
In Helen Fisher’s TED Talk, The Brain In Love, she said, “romantic love possesses you. You can’t stop thinking about another human being. Somebody is camping in your head”.
In Alain de Boton’s wonderful book The Course Of Love: A Novel, he said, “there is, in the early period of love, a measure of sheer relief at being able, at last, to reveal so much of what needed to be kept hidden for the sake of propriety. We can be childish, imaginative, wild, hopeful, cynical, fragile and multiple; all of this our lover can understand and accept us for”.
Then the high goes away. There’s some excitement left, but it’s not the same. A ‘downshift in love’s mania and sexual intensity is a sign of moving into a new phase of love’, says Brizendine.
I wait for this to happen. For us to move into that new phase where the nasty sides can come out, when we can argue and end the day with respect.
When I see couples who have been together for decades, I wonder how they got through the worst of times.
Do they still use the words “sorry” and “I was wrong”? Or do they let it pass? Do they sleep on it? Do they remember their anniversary? How did they work through deaths, losing jobs, sickness, and raising children? Are they proud of the life they lived together?
For now, we enjoy this stage we’re in.
So is it possible to love a little too early? Science says yes, and my brain believes so.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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