When Modern Marriage Makes Sense

WINNER OR LOSER

I know what people say. I know what people think. Every champion was told he would lose before he won. Every great feat was precipitated by warnings of complete loss. Each high-stake profit hinged on complete loss. Exceptional effort, tier-1 selection, and distinguished accomplishments are not uncommon concepts. They are winner takes all. Loser takes none.

Modern man, have you forgotten a win is always measured in the strength of your personal family?

WHAT NEARLY ALL MEN WANT

A common question I ask to men to prove a point about what men want is, “Would you prefer someone to love you or respect you?”

Nearly every man I ever posed that question to answered with the word Respect. Most did so without hesitation or thought. There are exceptions to every rule. It is rare for a man to choose disrespect to gain love.

It’s an interesting dynamic. Respect. When you are incarcerated with other men the only currency worth anything is respect. To cross a boundary set forth by another man can bring dire consequences. This is true during wartime as well. I know. I deployed to a war theater during my military service. The chain of command must be respected and orders followed. To disrespect an enemy resulted in death. To disrespect an ally during wartime was met with extreme disciplinary consequences. The Romans introduced “Decimation” for failure to follow orders during wartime. Decimation is where soldiers are separated into groups of ten, draw straws in that group and then the one with the short straw is beaten to death by the others.

When engaging in contact sports (such as American football) there is a unanimous consent that people must respect each other. This occurs during competition. It also occurs during practice. Lack of respect is taken as an insult. Typically, the remedy for disrespect is excessive force. The same is true with violent sports like boxing and mixed martial arts.

Masculine culture mandates respect. Masculine men do not respect people who do not earn things. There is no privilege amongst masculine men. There is only what we do and what we earn. Call masculinity toxic but it doesn’t change the fact masculinity built society. I’ll let liberal non-binary feminists say what they say. Facts are facts. Feelings are feelings. Every new thought created in the last twenty years is an experiment. So far it’s not showing good results. I’ll stick to tradition.

HAS A WOMAN EARNED YOUR RESPECT

Man reading this, how many women do you actually respect? This is a rhetorical question. This opening question is meant to create a pause. Take some time. Self-reflect. If you come up with no woman — that might be the reason why you don’t want marriage.

I argue marriage always make sense. What doesn’t make sense is marrying a woman a man has no respect for. I’m not telling you who to respect but you do need to respect someone. If you respect no women — you might have deeper psychological issues. Consult a professional. The foundation of marrying ourselves to a relationship, idea, or value is rooted in respect.

I want to pose a frame of thought to you. Think about this question for me.

What job, sport, or career do you know lasts forever?

The answer is easy. Nothing lasts forever. Finite nature does not prevent people from dedicating their time to things for as long as those things last. Marriage should be viewed the same. In terms of unfair consequences — well that can be said about anything. Catastrophic loss due to failure doesn’t mean you should avoid the activity. It means the stakes are high. This reality was true for every great general, every great sports champion and every great fighter. They still participated.

Modern man, stop settling for mediocrity. Attain greatness in something each man can distinguish themselves in. Being a great husband. That’s worth something. It might just be worth everything. Even if it ends unfairly. All things end. Do it anyways. Who you were as a husband has nothing to do with how your wife was. Her approval does not change what you are. Learn to define yourself by your self-worth not the value of others.

AVOID IGNORANT STATEMENTS

Avoid over generalizations when it comes to referencing people. Those statements are for those who are frustrated. Even if you believe in more than one wife — how many wives could you have? Not that many. Most men will never attain the wealth of Solomon, have money like Nick Cannon or become Elon Musk (going on 14 kids I think).

You’re not supposed to create a family with the entire world. I recommend you focus on just one. Contrary to popular belief most men only had one wife in the ancient world. If you’re in a tribal culture or in a communal one things are different. Not everyone is American or European. I still argue one exceptional family is better than five average ones. Most men living in communal cultures understand the most they can stretch is two (if you have the finances for it). Most likely most know they can’t afford two households and the unselfish ones end up with a single wife.

Even in the Quran it says this about more than one wife, “[4:129] You can never be equitable in dealing with more than one wife, no matter how hard you try. Therefore, do not be so biased as to leave one of them hanging (neither enjoying marriage, nor left to marry someone else). If you correct this situation and maintain righteousness, GOD is Forgiver, Most Merciful.”

Even the middle east’s ultimate holy book discourages more than one wife (different than prohibiting it).

Biblically we have Solomon. Simple math means he probably spent a day or two with each wife. 700 wives and 300 concubines is overwhelming. Mosaic legislation never commands nor condones plural marriages but rather prohibits polygamy/concubinage (Lev. 18:18) as part of universal moral law based on the creation order.

Solomon was granted wisdom. I personally don’t understand how this wisdom extended to his love life. I’ll leave it at that. I can always say I don’t understand. Nothing wrong with a person not understanding.

How A Respectful Marriage Illustrates:

Respectful Situation — “I need a good consul. I need a unique vantage point which brings me insights to decide on the character of potential business partners. I need to see what I’m missing.”

Respectful Reaction — “I broke down my concerns to my wife. I brought her to dinner to meet them last night. It’s interesting because she’s not just there to listen. I appreciate she doesn’t comment on details she doesn’t understand. She’s very insightful on body language, tone and intuition. She told me certain words people said while I was talking to others. She even paid attention to the way they shifted their eyes when I wasn’t looking. She told me about mannerisms I couldn’t pay attention to during my explanations. She helped me see a lot of people for who they were. Small details reveal a lot. Her observations supported negative rumors I heard. I respect her views on these matters. I know to proceed with caution on some and not at all with others.”

What This Response Does:

· It increases your virtue. We must draw upon different types of virtue in circumstances. No circumstance is an exemption. Your empathy will definitely increase by choosing to respect another’s view point. You must learn to understand what your spouse feels and respect her feelings for marriage to work. Empathetic people are very valuable people. The way you do anything is how you do everything. Having empathy in business does wonders.

· It gives accurate insight. Reframing is a timeless tool for seeing things from different vantage points. An insightful woman who can discreetly observe others when they believe you’re not paying attention. Respecting her ability to offer you unique insight is extremely beneficial. Scientists have documented the benefits of secret observation extensively.

· It builds trust. When you respect a person, it is a wonderful foundation for trust. Trust demands faith in future unknowns. Trusting someone can relieve a tremendous amount of stress.

Three Ways To Develop Respect (Use Them)

1. Testify A Positive Affirmation During Disagreement. When confronted with a disagreement say, “It means a lot to me you care enough about us to disclose your feelings. Thank you for always being honest. It’s a great character trait.” Do this even if you do not feel like it. Train your mind to have respect in recognizing the good during the bad.

2. Smile When You Look At Each other. This may seem small but do it anyways. Smiling is positive and our mind recognizes this. Look a her and smile even if you don’t feel like smiling. Respect her enough to show that her presence is positive.

3. Affirm During Small Random Positive Events. Nothing in life is completely negative. Often, we let negative things overshadow the positives. Many never allow positives to overshadow the negatives. We shouldn’t respect the negative events more than the positive ones. Respect each action by recognizing them. If you get a text from a spouse in the middle of a crisis say, “Thank you for texting.” This will often bring a smile. Even if it’s a smile which hurts to make. This shows you respect all actions, not just the major ones.

The Value of This Philosophy

· When you are threatened self-affirmations can restore self-competence by empowering your mind to reflect on self-worth and core values. (2)

· Studies suggest even manipulating a smile that is not genuine may have a number of health-relevant benefits including beneficially impacting our physiology during acute stress, improved stress recovery, and reduced illness over time. (3).

· Research also shows timely affirmations improved health & relationship outcomes in a substantial number of participants who forced a smile in difficult situations. (4)

IN CLOSING

Sign up for free to listen free of charge to my chapter in “Many Paths To Profit”. You can pick up a copy of my international best-selling and award winning book, “I Made It Then I Didn’t” as well for a deeper insight on some of the psychology I use to take me through difficult circumstances.

The concept I teach in this article is free. Some of my personal stories are not free of charge as everything costs something. I use the techniques I discuss in this article. The purpose of reading this is to help modern men understand the value of marriage in modern society.

If you are feeling marriage isn’t for you, it’s critical you read this. Men can often forget we marry things, ideas and values all the time. None of them last forever. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. Even when the stakes are high. Give it a read and let me know your thoughts.

To Your Knowledge Success!

Sources

1) The life of Christopher Knight Lopez a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t”.

2) Social cognitive and affective neuroscience. “Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation”. Christopher N Cascio, Matthew Brook O’Donnell, Francis J Tinney, Matthew D Lieberman, Shelley E Taylor, Victor J Strecher, Emily B Falk. 2015 Nov 5;11(4):621–629. doi: 10.1093/scan/nsv136

3) Health Psychology Rev. “How and why could smiling influence physical health? A conceptual review”. Marie P Cross, Amanda M Acevedo, Kate A Leger, Sarah D Pressman. 2023 Jun;17(2):321–343. doi: 10.1080/17437199.2025.2052740. Epub 2025 Mar 23.

4) Annual Review Psychology. Stanford University. “The Psychology of Change: Self-Affirmation and Social Psychological Intervention.” Geoffrey L Choen and David K Sherman. Web PDF Document: https://ed.stanford.edu/sites/default/files/annurev-psych-psychology_of_change_final_e2.pdf. Accessed 26 March 25

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Not a form of investment advice. Please consult a professional registered to give you advice about your individual circumstance. This article is for educational purposes and entertainment purposes only. Please do not email the author about advice on investing or strategies on making investments.

About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller, Award Winner of the December 2024 prestigious International Impact Book Awards — a premier award program dedicated to celebrating and recognizing the exceptional work of authors around the globe and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t”. He is also a Co-Author with Kevin “The Shark” Harrington “Many Paths To Profit”. See more at www.christopherklopez.com.