New parents.
My husband and I were never planning on having kids. So, when a 9-year-old showed up to become ours, a lot of people had a lot to say about it.
Foster children often have special needs or some sort and they have been through things that adults would need therapy for. These children often need special diets, specific and strict schedules to adhere to (so that they learn what’s normal for a child), and they need to be around people who follow the parent’s orders to a tee.
Untraditional parenting is extra hard.
Foster/Adopting is not for the faint of heart.
A lot of the rules that you follow when you foster are not of your choosing, such as diet and schedule. However, people assume that you are a controlling parent that isn’t letting your child having any fun. Others who often mean well cannot understand how these kids are different and they often let the kids cheat when they have the child over for dinner or out to a movie.
Rules? Not for us!
The greatest of these offenders are the In-Laws or Grandmas. You know who I’m talking about. They behave a lot like the witch in Hansel and Gretel. They must feed your child sugar and it needs to happen all the time.
These special people believe that since they raised kid’s who aren’t is either and often put you in a situation where one of you is going to look like the mean person and often it’s me. Out of respect, you would never talk meanly to your in-law and often that means sacrificing your own opinions and rules.
Hello! It’s nice to meet you!
It’s me, the mean mommy. I figure if I’m already the mean mommy for doing what the doctors and therapists have said we need to do, why not also be the mean daughter-in-law?
Here is the problem, this is my child. This is not your child. So if you would like to be a part of her life than you need to respect our rules and boundaries. And not just sometimes. All of the time.
So my advice to all of the parents reading this, your opinion is the only one that matters. That child is yours. You do not need to justify your reasons for anything. Being a grandparent is a privilege, it isn’t assumed. This privilege comes with rules and they need to be followed to a tee. If not, you are disrespecting that child’s right to have a normal healthy life. And you are telling the parents they’re not good enough.
My child, my rules.
Mean mommy suggests that if the in-laws are in the way, push them out of your life. Until the in-laws are willing to play by your rules. They do not deserve your child or you.
Your child. Your rules. No exceptions.
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Photo by Sai De Silva on Unsplash