Crushing on someone a bit out of your league is one of the greatest sufferings in human history.
You know there’s a chance, yet unlikely. Their social circle is better and larger. Job is fancier. Charismatic, with infinitely more opinions. Of course, you have a lot going on for yourself as well. Just not enough to go to sleep without pondering how much they like you.
Having been a hopeless romantic my entire life, I’ve always been drawn to challenging girls. And the pressure of measuring up to them requires a ton of self-esteem.
So I’ve come up with a few pointers on how to stay cool in the presence of the love of your life.
When you overvalue superficial qualities, pursuing someone gorgeous or wealthy can be extremely intimidating.
This is actually happening to me right now. I think our looks are comparable. But in terms of finances, I’m 20 floors below. While I’m struggling to pay off my debt, she buys a mini-yacht. Something like that could scare off a lot of guys.
Here’s the thing though. Regardless of how further ahead she is, it only matters how much she likes me. In this case, she finds my vibe unique. My low profile personality creates mystique in her eyes. Everything else is secondary.
External qualities only determine where we are in society, not necessarily where we are in relation to each other. I’ve seen hot women relentlessly chasing after guys living in a van. As well as average-looking women turning down ‘gems.’
You never know whether or not you are someone’s cup of tea. It really all comes down to confidence.
No matter how wonderful someone is, you still come first
It’s easy to put yourself above somebody you don’t care about.
But around prince/princess charming, you lose your mind like a groupie at a Justin Bieber Concert. Having every ounce of your energy and attention sucked away. It’s an alarming moment.
This is the time to stay rooted in yourself. Lovers come and go. You’re the constant and the main character of your story, and no amount of infatuation ever changes that fact.
When you’re able to internalize that, not only will you stop feeling inadequate for quality partners, but they’ll also love your high self-regard.
Accepting your insecurities
Part of the reason we feel unworthy of someone is self-rejection.
I’d always act like an alpha male with women, which creates more anxiety, terrified of being exposed as a fraud.
Lately though, I’ve learned self-acceptance. It’s given me a sense of freedom, empowerment, and comfort. Making me calmer when I’m with someone attractive.
You teach them how to treat you
Many of us make the mistake of being coy and timid in front of our crush. It sends the wrong message.
Whether they’re overqualified to be with you or not, as soon as you behave like a minion around them, they will treat you like one.
It ultimately comes down to this: perception is reality. They may be a God/Goddess in your eyes. But you’re the one who lifts them to the sky. Which means you’re also capable of bringing them back down to Earth. If you treat them like another normal friend, their power fades.
Put yourself in the drivers seat. It’s less about what they think of you, and more about how you perceive them.
You have more control over your sense of worth than you think. The main thing that needs to be reiterated is that: your opinion of yourself should always be higher than your opinion of the person you like.
Whether they accept you or not is up to them. But at least do your part.
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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