Where Do I Belong? When a Layoff Reveals Who You Are

Getting laid off from my last job was a big hit; it shook my sense of identity. Six years invested at that employer, building the company. This article talks about how I got out of it sane, perhaps saner than before.

Life Before the Layoff

That buzzword, Owner’s Mindset? That was totally me.

I worked long nights and weekends, took on the tasks no one else wanted. I mentored my colleague and even wrote an award-nominated article for them. I wasn’t only completing tasks, I was trying to improve the company output, build documentation for future coworkers and shift the company in the direction I thought it ought to go in.

I was finally building something that would last.

I felt a sense of belonging like never before, a drive towards a mission. I was finally building something that would last. Something I can proudly showcase. All those projects weren’t only the company’s project, they were mine, I felt I was putting my soul into them.

I rose through the ranks until there was nowhere to go up.

My identity was intertwined with the company’s. My whole world was my job. I felt so lucky to find them (Or more accurately, to be found by them). My dream job right out of university, or so I thought. My identity is shaped by my progression in it.

Maybe this fixation on a job shows how my personal life was lackluster at the time. My joy in life was for a long time linked to what I was accomplishing at work.

The Breaking Point

It’s interesting that I lost this anchor in my life, just as I was attempting other big changes for the better. Define who I’m trying to be, who and what I want to be surrounded by.

All you need is love, yes, the Beatles were right

There’s a sense of being lost when you get a thing that defined you so much being taken away from you. I don’t know how I managed, I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for the support of the love of my life. She helped me find myself, what I want, what I need. Comforted me when I had doubts and showed me it was okay to be in between jobs. To have a bit of downtime. Without that space, I don’t know how I would’ve done.

Life just passes, you don’t notice and then you are 30.

I’ve never stopped working since I was 14. First, it was summer jobs, then jobs while studying full time. Life just passes, you don’t notice, and then you are 30, and still just crunching to-do lists without having questioned why.

I used this break time to find myself and re-evaluate my life goals. To nurture and prioritize my personal life. I removed some importance from employment.

One thing still haunted me, though. Rejected by the company where I’ve learned and invested so much, where do I belong then? Will I find something just as fulfilling or fun? Can I like another job?

The In-Between Job Revelation

If I just hopped from job to job all throughout my career, and never had time to stop the grind for a while and think, I might never realize how much of a toxic view of work I had, giving my meaning to it. Turns out I just love learning and doing stuff. But this includes writing articles, amongst many other things.

My identity is not defined by my work. I can find meaning in life without working 40 hours a week. Actually, maybe this change of mindset made me more attractive to a different kind of employer, one that respects work-life balance and promotes remote work, rather than one that hypes the family aspect while cutting the benefits of having a small, cool team year by year. Maybe when you are a complete person, complete employers try to hire you. Maybe refusing a senior title has something to do with it, too.

Catching My Lucky Break

Almost a full year of job search, just when my unemployment benefits were running out, I caught my lucky break. It hasn’t been long enough to really tell for sure, but I’m impressed. A job outside of my domain, and I still look forward to my day’s tasks. I feel as passionate and I don’t even mind not being in a creative field anymore.

Funny how a passion (or maybe it wasn’t really a passion) for a field can be overshadowed by a simple passion to make things work in a job. Of course, I knew I could change industries, I set my mind to it, and I did it.

Is mindset the key?

I wonder if it’s a mindset thing, if I would strive at any job. Maybe I’m very lucky, too, and I found a place where I belong. Maybe they are lucky to have found someone who has the will to accomplish and the right mindset. Maybe making the changes in my life was the real precursor to everything. I was ripe for the significant changes that were to come, and it was the end of act one of my existence.

In any case, it’s reassuring to see that there is more than one place where I belong. I know my experience is a privileged one; the struggle is real and often much longer for many. My definition of belonging has shifted; I think fulfilling and flexible work is the goal now. I am confident, and life is better now that I’ve taken it into my own hands.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.