Whether You Should Marry or Not?

To marry or not to marry is a very challenging question. When you ask married people how marriage is working out for them, they would sometimes say “we were happier before”.

In marriage, we feel very much tied up, caught, and somehow we feel our freedom is gone. We don’t like it.

And when we see other unmarried people, they want to get married because they feel 2 is always better than 1. You need a partner to talk to, share with, to love, to get love, to have a family.

You need somebody. And when the partner comes, you become much, much more selfless because then you think more about the partner and then yourself, and life expands. So they would want to get married.

So this question becomes a very internal question, whether that person should marry or not to marry.

There was once a man whose family was pressurizing him that come on you are 25 years old now, you have to get married. And he was watching. He asked many people, married and unmarried people, and he got more and more confused about it.

So he went to his guru. He said, Sir, I want to ask you this question: should I get married? Or should I not marry? Because I am seeing on both sides, there is no 100% surety about happiness, about a positive life, so please guide me.

And the guru said Right now it is time for our food, let’s go, come with me, we will have our lunch.

So the boy went with him to the guru’s house. And the guru told his wife, Bring food for both of us, we have one guest today.

And so my wife quickly arranged for the meal. She put the plates, and then she brought the steaming hot rice, put the rice there, and then she went to get the other liquid dal from inside, which was also hot and smelling very good.

But the guru stopped her. Guru said Wait, rice is a little cold, heat it first, and then bring it.

Lady just picked the plates up again, heated everything, and brought it back.

Boy was watching all that, and he saw that the rice was really hot, steam was coming out, and yet the guru said that. And the lady also didn’t question. She again very peacefully took it and brought it back.

While eating suddenly the guru suddenly said The room is a little dark, bring some more light.

The boy was wondering again that the room was very bright, the sun was hot, and everything was seen very brightly. And why guru say that?

And the lady had brought a few more lamps and lit the room still brighter.

After finishing the food, they got up. They said we are going out, we want to talk, we are going out.

The lady said you are going out, carry this shawl because you may get a cold breeze on your body.

Again boy was shocked. Guru took the shawl, wrapped it around his body, and walked out.

The boy was really confused because it was really hot, you were sweating, and this lady was giving you a shawl, and you were even wrapping the shawl around your body.

So the boy asked the guru, Sir, what am I seeing? Whatever I saw is quite surprising, amazing.

Guru said Look, this is the whole thing. If your partner is a partner who respects you, who loves you, who cares for you, your partner will not question you about your decisions. The partner will just follow you because the partner has full faith in you.

Usually, people will start arguing that it is hot and you are telling me to heat it again, or there is no breeze and you are telling me to get a shawl.

But a good wife or a good couple would not behave that way. The person says something, and the other person will listen. There is no logic or reasoning. It’s full of pure care, emotion, and love. This is what is more on the surface.

The boy became very curious, asked the guru Sir, you have such a wonderful wife. She’s just listening to you. Whether you say she doesn’t even question. Without questioning, she is listening to you. And you also wore that shawl despite the heat around and respected her thinking.

The guru responded This is what the relationship is all about. You must listen to your partner attentively and lovingly. And only when you respect the other person will that help in maintaining harmony in the relationship.

Marriage is a great bond, but it will last only if both put up their effort to see their marriage continue successfully.

Either you marry someone you love or marry someone with whom you grow in love. And slowly, slowly respect over time.

Every person should marry, but only if they are willing to commit to their partner. You should understand their opinion and love unconditionally and work hard to keep your relationship growing strong.

However, you should not marry if you are unable to adjust to the differences. Understand that men and women both have different angles of looking at life.

One would think from the heart, one would think from the head, one would think everybody around should also be happy, one would focus on his job and do it. These are all different personalities, men and women themselves.

Any decision you take, there will be 2 angles of looking at life.

But if you have love, if you have respect, if one person has made a decision, the other person should join, respect, and not contradict.

However, you should not marry if you’re not able to adjust to differences.

However, if you have some doubts about your partner or if you are unwilling to compromise, better if you don’t get married.

So if you can’t accept each other, your marriage is going to be chaotic.

Yes, marry, but marry a proper person, in my opinion, this was Guru’s advice.

Understand, in all our history, also, in our Indian mythology, all our gods were married. Every God has its own wife. A man and a woman are all in one personality.

Science says that every man is some percentage woman and every woman is some percentage man.

So with all this understanding around, we should definitely get married to experience a fullness of life.

In Indian Mythology Books

When Ram went to Vasishtha Aashram, Vasishtha Rishi was married. His children were there.

Krishna went to Sandipani Ashram. Again, Sandipani Rishi was married to his wife.

All the gurus of olden times were also married with their family, their responsibility, and their work to spread the message of life.

So understand, prepare yourself. Remember, there would be a difference; there would be undoubtedly some conflict because men and women are different.

However, if you have mentally prepared yourself for this, all these things will not create any negative impact on you.

Instead, you will think objectively and make decisions as a partner rather than as individuals.

You should get to know your future husband or wife better. The best way to do so is to become friends first, try and spend time together, discuss things together, work together, go and visit each other’s house, and spend the whole day with the family members with whom they are living.

And try and see that you become very, very close and good friends before getting married.

When you have been friends for a long time, you slowly understand each other’s likes and dislikes, each other’s beliefs, and each other’s viewpoints.

You will understand each other’s weaknesses.

Decide now whether you can adjust to the partners’ flaws, or if it would be difficult for you to do so.

Make your own judgment whether to marry or not to marry this person based on your own understanding of the person and of yourself.

Once you have decided to marry someone, you should think about how you would deal with each other’s flaws.

Every individual has some positive and some negative points.

For example, if the husband is good at money management, then the wife should support him and not contradict him all the time.

Or if the wife is good at maintaining a relationship, then the husband should not question her.

If somebody is good at raising a child, then other people should join hands and not talk against it.

So these basic disciplines are required in married life and that would help to learn to grow and to enjoy every day well.

Well, it is also quite fine if you don’t want to get married. However, in life, you should have some aim and purpose.

Live in a family, not like a person who lives for self with me, my life, my space, my comfort, and so on.

Someone who is concerned with themselves and their personal space will never be able to grow spiritually.