White People — We Cannot Understand. but We Can Be Allies

Here it goes…

I must first acknowledge that I have been racist.

And you must too.

Not through my beliefs, but absolutely through ignorance. We cannot now stand to be allies when we have all been part of the problem. If you believe you have never been racist in any capacity, you can stop reading here. You and I owe it to every black person to acknowledge that we have been the problem. We must feel the true guilt of your actions and inactions, not just join the bandwagon of posting black squares on social media without consideration because it makes you feel better.

I am a white man. And I can not understand.

If you’re white — you can not understand.

But we can help — By showing love, compassion and an honest willingness to try, together.

We are all human. We all love. This should be all that matters.

A lot has happened for my awareness in the past couple of years and yet I do not even scratch the surface of understanding centuries of oppression of black people. And that’s okay — when paired with a true desire to not be part of the problem and to actively stand up in the face of racism.

I am the uncle to my beautiful mixed-raced niece and nephew. I am the husband-to-be of the most incredible mixed-race daughter of a 1st generation Libyan immigrant man. Through these relationships, I have begun to be aware of the almost incomprehensible (to a white person) struggle of identity and acceptance in a world riddled with segregation and hate.

To know that your 9-year-old nephew has questioned why he is different from those at his school, because he is learning he is neither black nor white but is yet to realize the beauty that he is. Or that your fiancée, because our society has placed her in harm’s way due to the color of her skin throughout her life, is only now realizing the lingering sadness inside is a product of hearing, feeling and seeing racism through her 24 years and that it has been safer to be recognized as white when she is not. She is the epitome of love, loyalty and humanity. She is mixed raced.

This hits a part of my soul I didn’t know possible.

Humanity is so vastly varied and this should be celebrated.

Racism and oppression are entwined within our society’s history and white people, even those who accept all beings with open arms and love, have had the privilege to not be subjected to its cruelty. I ask you all, given the current events of the world, to consider all people and the impact it is having on them, and what we can do to help. A blatant murder of a black man by a police officer is not a standalone event. It is an echo of the past and present and reminds all of us that while past and modern movements have raised awareness and is a step in the right direction, every one of us needs to consider what we can do to stop the discrimination of any person.

Any hate crime, whatever the magnitude, reinforces the fear of being accepted and can force people to live lives not true to who they are or risk their safety and inclusion. Every tidbit of news or media, skewed to slyly reaffirm the white power dynamic of the world, is a personal attack on the people you hold dear. It may be an ‘innocent’ comment, not intended to offend, or it may be blatant. The outcome is the same either way — it breeds an attitude of us and others. It is our responsibility to know what impact our words have on others, even if we cannot understand that impact on a personal level. And no one expects you to, you haven’t lived it, it is not your life, identity and culture.

Consider this whenever you hear a racist joke, negative stereotype or outright discrimination. Would you be happy for your ethnically diverse friends and family to hear those words? Would I let these people say this in the presence of my niece, nephew and fiancee? Choose to not let things go unsaid. Cultivate an environment where people feel uncomfortable to share insensitive comments or opinions without regard for others.

This is no small task. It requires bravery, commitment and consistency.

You may end up pulling up family members, friends, co-workers or your boss. But without it, and without numbers en mass adopting this attitude, we are indirectly culpable for the oppression of others. It is not acceptable to stand by, to silently disagree and believe it to be the responsibility of others.

The time is now.

That is not to say aggression or rudeness is required. When enough people of all colors, creed and religion stand strong in unison for what is right and realize the real impact these comments and actions have on others’ lives, we can make a difference.

Until we all come together as what we truly are — humanity — we cannot rest on our heels and believe that the movements across the world are enough.

We must all play our part and create equality for all.

You owe it to every man, woman and child — to let them live their lives — free of fear, hate and discrimination.

To everyone I know of color — I feel you. I see you. And I love you.

And I am truly sorry.

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Previously published on “Equality Includes You”, a Medium publication.

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