How do I feel in my whiteness?
Give me a minute and I am sure it will change.
From the repulsed to be part of the problem whiteness to the I don’t have the heart to look at it whiteness.
From the but it’s not my fault whiteness to the I want to be a part of the solution whiteness.
From the everything is fine there is a reason for everything whiteness to the I can’t believe I couldn’t see it whiteness.
From the fractured identity Schizophrenic whiteness to the just about woke clearer eyed whiteness.
From the passionate empowered learn to stand up whiteness to the I don’t know where is home anymore whiteness.
From the white fragility of those are just my feelings whiteness to the resolute I am going to listen to you whiteness.
I live in this body with these eyes and ears with this heart and soul and yes this soul cries for healing too, but I know if you cannot heal I will always be lost without you and if I cannot heal then I will always be a danger to you. So now the thing to ask is how do we heal? What will it look like when we are well (again)? Was there a time of innocence before humans were separated in these ways?
I feel as though I can rise up in my privilege and offer a new way, but I know that my ideas are only threads that cannot hold up without yours and how will we build enough trust to weave a weave that has the strength to hold up to the test of time? Yes, it can be done despite my changing translucent nature.
I might wish to be some other kind of life expression: Look at those pale petals over there that float on the wind held in place by strong stocks for their season of beauty and those rich deep hues that fill the space with wonder. If they can share the garden then so can we.
But as long as this is how I wake up in the morning I must reckon with it and get on with the awakening. So, I will not ask you to trust in me or give me credit for what I have done, but I will return again and again to see what needs to be done. It is the least I can do for all the credit you have not been given and all the times your words have not been heard or understood.
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