You can’t improve yourself if you don’t know yourself.
Self work is largely about spending quality time with yourself, including all the different layers and parts of you.
‘Quality time’ spent with someone, as I see it, is any time in which for that moment you have all of that person.
No longer living with my two kids, they come to stay with me at weekends and holidays. This means that most of the time, when they get to see me, they are together. So I try to organize one-on-one time with them separately when I can, so that they can experience having all of me and get the most out of me as their dad by having my undivided attention and my undivided presence.
Your presence is also what your woman craves from you. It’s the primary thing that can open her up emotionally, turn her on and allow her to relax into her femininity with you.
As a man, your presence is one of the deepest gifts you have to offer to the people in your life, to the world and even to yourself. And people can only really experience this from you in its fullest when you have one-on-one time with them.
And this extends to you too.
Masculine men are always seeking freedom in one way or another. And the way I see this most often is men wanting alone-time. This shows up in a lot of the relationships I see; where the man just needs time to be with himself in his ‘man cave’ or whatever man-place he goes to.
It’s in the quietness of solitude that a man can really see and hear himself; see where he is at in his life at that time and listen to what’s going on with himself emotionally. It’s here that you are able to extend your presence to the different parts of yourself; where you can give your deepest gift to yourself.
You can do this by asking yourself just one question.
During alone time, after having relaxed your body, quietened the mind and cut out any distractions like TV or your smartphone, simply ask yourself: “What’s going on with me?”
And whatever comes as an answer, that’s your answer.
Pay attention to that and maybe take some sort of action based on what’s going on as you perhaps realize you’re not happy in a certain area or you need to put more energy into an area of your life. Maybe something needs to be done. But you can only do that once you’ve identified what is going on with you.
On a deeper level, you can try and get in touch directly with that little boy part of you, that we all have as men.
Imagine yourself as a child at whatever age naturally comes to you. Simply imagine having this child-you in front of you, and extend to him your fullest presence in your current adult-you form. Just as you would to your own children or your woman.
And you can take it one step further still.
Using your imagination, see if you can step into the shoes of the child-you. So that now in your visualization, you are experiencing things through his point of view. Now imagine having the adult-you before you, and experience this protective, loving, capable and responsible presence. See how comforting it is to feel like you can completely relax knowing that you are being taken care of.
These are some of the most powerful exercises I offer when working with people.
So try these regularly and give yourself one of the most ultimate gifts you have to offer!
This article was originally published on Sharif H Joynson.