The oldest Millennials will turn 40 years old this year. Yes, the kids are all grown up but they’re terribly unhappy. Many millennials are lonely, burned out and depressed. But, why? This is the most educated, upwardly mobile generation in American history. And, Millennials struggled more than any other age group during the pandemic.
Let’s dig into the intel and see if we can find out what’s going on.
First, Millennials get a bad wrap. They are labeled as tough to manage, narcissistic, unfocused and lazy. But, I think that’s more conjecture. Millennials simply want to feel a purpose and have an impact on the world. Who doesn’t? And, they don’t wanna sell their soul to the devil for a paycheck. Fair enough.
To their credit, the Millennials have dramatically changed the workplace. Employers are more accommodating than ever before, allowing for more flexibility and mobility. Their efforts led to a step-down from business casual to all-jeans, all the time. And, for the first time ever, employees took the upper hand in creating true work/life balance. It was a nice change for everyone.
Who is to Blame?
I recently listened to a talk by Simon Sinek, a British author and inspirational speaker. He blames “failed parenting strategies” for their unhappiness. It’s pretty harsh, but he makes some valid points. See, many Millennials grew up hearing that they are “special and talented”, that “they can have anything in life”. Those seem like inspirational parenting messages, but they just aren’t true. Particularly when some of those kids found themselves where they didn’t belong. In Honors classes and on sports teams cause the teachers and coaches were afraid of their parents. Those same coaches handed out participation medals and trophies. Trophies that the kids themselves knew they didn’t deserve.
Over the longer horizon, the kids find themselves falling short of their lofty expectations. According to Lori Gottlieb, author of the book, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, their struggles fall into three categories:
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Difficulty choosing or committing to a satisfactory career path
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Struggling with relationships
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Feeling a sense of emptiness or lack of purpose
Parental Fanfare?
All those participation trophies are in the vacuum. But, out in the real world, kids find out quickly they aren’t “special”. And, they learn that they simply cannot “have anything in life”. Mom can’t call the boss when the promotion gets delayed. And, in Real-ville, few of us really get to “make an impact” with our work. Over time they learn that the promotions don’t ever come as quickly as we want. And, that feels like failure to them.
In my opinion, the simple truth is that all that mollycoddling set unrealistic expectations. And, by limiting our children’s disappointments we created a generation that is simply less resilient. Because kids need to occasionally fail in order to learn resiliency. And, the result is an entire generation with lower self-esteem than others. Major depression rates are rising at a faster rate for Millennials than any other generation.
We are all trying to outparent our parents.
Avoidance Isn’t Immunity
We will do anything to keep our kids from feeling discomfort or disappointment. But, what if by taking this approach we fail our children? What if we are simply creating adults that are ill-prepared for the ordinary frustrations of adult life? Because avoidance of disappointment doesn’t result in immunity from disappointment. It results in a generation of empty, anxious and confused adults.
Lab Rats
We also can’t forget that this generation is the first to grow up with technology. That alone is a lot to handle. But, it wasn’t just the tech. They were the pioneers of Social Media. The Lab rats for Silicon Valley.
It’s the longest running, highest stakes sociological experiment in history. That experiment is like Pavlov’s mutt, who was trained to salivate at the sound of a bell. Only the bell is a series of likes and follows in a meaningless, virtual world. Constant feedback on life. And they have a hard time developing deep and meaningful relationships because they grew up watching people get cancelled and unfollowed
But Real-ville doesn’t work that way. We don’t go through life with constant “attaboys” over what we cooked for dinner or the memo we drafted for the boss. I imagine that it feels cold after a lifetime of affirmations. And, that lifetime in the Social Media laboratory is taking it’s toll. A recent research study reports
Certain behaviors on social media were linked to higher likelihood of major depressive disorder (MDD) in millennials,
Add in the sense of impatience: Amazon, Netflix, binge tv.
I boil all of this emptiness, anxiety and confusion down to one word: impatience.
But, after all, these kids came of age with Amazon, Netflix and Uber.
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Previously Published on tomgreene.com
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Shutterstock image
I guess the accelerating destruction of our climate (possibly leading to the end of human life on earth); the fact that these “kids” have lived at least half their lives in a country that was at war; and the brutal economic inequality, and ongoing racial injustice that they see around them every day have nothing to do with millennials feeling depressed overwhelmed, and ineffective.
But I do agree with you about social media.