You lack perspective about love and relationships
If done right, relationships are beautiful experiences, and science says that healthy relationships help you live longer. Several studies have shown that people who are truly happy are not the ones who are the wealthiest but rather the ones who have good relationships. Having a romantic partner is like having a best friend for life.
You stay single when
- You are not aware of the beauty of the love adventure, and you do not make an effort to put yourself in a situation where you can enjoy that experience,
- You fail to understand that a good relationship requires self-sufficiency; it requires you to operate from wanting the other person’s mindset rather than needing the other person’s mindset; when you lack this perspective, you become emotionally dependent on the other person and eventually ruin the relationship (Read more here: Do you have the right mindset before entering into a relationship?).
You have unrealistic standards
It is good to have clarity about who you are and your values and choose a partner based on their compatibility with you. That means having healthy standards.
But sometimes, we can get consumed by superficial standards and make it difficult for ourselves to find a match. Well, I will own up to my mistake: I rejected a guy because he did not read books and was into posting about his life on social media. For me, these things became judgment criteria for maturity and self-esteem. However, the good thing that happened for me was that I talked to him about it, and he helped me realize that I am being unrealistic (well, stupid was the word!). What he said made sense, and I realized that I was entering the dating world with a list in my hand that, according to me, is an indicator of certain values. I was wrong.
You cannot truly know someone unless you have spent some time with them (so you must not fall for them or reject them too soon); how they practice a certain value might differ from how you practice the same. Give them a fair chance. Drop that list and judge their actions over time.
Fun Fact: I am dating this guy, and I am sure he must be grinning while I publicly accept this fault in my belief system (who does not love to defeat a Medium love expert in an argument on love).
You are not ready for a relationship
Being in a healthy long-term relationship requires you to have a certain mindset. Low self-esteem and insecurities have the power to destroy the most amazing of relationships.
Trust Issues: Relationships are not sustainable without trust. The only way to know if you can trust someone is to trust them. If you find it hard to open up to others, you must work those issues out before getting into a relationship. Therapy can be of great help (If you want details of my therapist, drop me a mail at [email protected]).
Insecurity: If you are not assured of your value, you will feel anxious about your relationship. Such anxiety leads you to read too much into the other person’s words and overanalyze their actions. You make it hard for the other person to breathe in the relationship. (Detailed article here: your insecurity is killing your relationship.)
Scared to be vulnerable: Vulnerability requires courage. It demands revealing our needs and hurts to others and engaging in healthy dialogue to resolve those issues. People who are too scared to be vulnerable always try to save their faces and expect to be understood without speaking. Such an attitude kills relationships. (Detailed article here: Why we should not hide our disappointments in love?)
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Thanks for reading.
Check out my other pieces on relationships and life here: Bhanu Singhal
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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