Why Can’t We Help Ourselves?

It happens to everyone: someone comes to tell us about some adversity they are facing or an uncomfortable situation they are going through, and we manage to find the right words of comfort, as well as solutions to their difficulties. However, when it comes to our own lives, we end up feeling completely at a loss.

When we find ourselves in the midst of emotional whirlwinds, as protagonists of storms that devastate our lives, it’s as if all our capacity for reflection and consideration is trapped. We cannot see any way to save ourselves from the storm, we stagnate in front of problems that seem insoluble — and this paralyzes us.

Often, out of sheer pride or even shame, we don’t open up to anyone because we cling to false ideas that we need to be strong all the time, that nobody has anything to do with our problems, that showing weakness is ugly, is wrong. We fear showing ourselves in all the vulnerability that also defines us because we fear that the other person will use it against us.

Unfortunately, by acting this way, we end up distancing ourselves from those who make all the difference in our lives, from those who truly love us, enough to stay there in the dark, looking for the light hand in hand with us. We miss precious chances to strengthen the relationships we have built, which are indispensable to our journey towards realizing our dreams.

Just as we are capable of helping people by contributing our experiences, we too can receive support from those who see the problem from the outside. Knowing who we can really count on saves us from a painfully lonely journey through the pitfalls we are subject to. When we open up to someone, the weight of things decreases considerably and it becomes easier to visualize the situation, looking at it from afar, as someone from the outside.

As you can see, we need to have the necessary courage for a confrontation that is often not solitary of what is ours because the more alone we feel, the more intense the emotional storm will be. Just as we are capable of supporting those in need, we will also find help from those who will always be ready to lend us a hand, lighting our way. Asking for help is not shameful, but denying help would be unforgivable.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

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