“Come out to your relatives…come out to your friends…if indeed they are your friends. Come out to your neighbors…to your fellow workers…to the people who work where you eat and shop…”—Harvey Milk
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It seems like about once a week or so, there is a news story about some celebrity coming out as gay. It leads many people to ask why it still matters.
Should we care that the guy we saw in that one show one time is letting us know he’s gay? We don’t know him personally, so why should we care?
I’ll admit, I’ve had many of these thoughts myself. I loathe celebrity worship and I’d really like to believe we’re beyond caring about the personal lives of people who aren’t part of our own circle. Most of us are straight, some are gay, some transgender, some still questioning what they are and some are one of a few things I can’t keep up with. Who cares?
But we’re not beyond it.
This Sunday, October 11th is National Coming Out Day. It still matters because in a majority of US states, it is still legal to fire an employee simply for being gay.
It matters because some parents still beat their kids for being gay or even acting as though they might be gay. Some parents kick their children out of the house when they find out. Some send them off to camps that are designed to “cure” them, perhaps pray the gay away. These practices are incredibly damaging and anti-gay therapy is now illegal in California.
What young gay people should know is that most parents, including most of those who have been taught that homosexuality is wrong and sinful, will eventually come to terms with their orientation. Most will eventually come to accept it, maybe not at first, maybe grudgingly, but they usually do.
Whether you are a young gay person or a parent who thinks your child might be gay, if you’re wondering how to handle the issue, go to the web site justbecausehebreathes.com. There you will find the heartbreaking story of a Christian couple who learned their son was gay, the mistakes they made and what they learned.
It matters because until very recently, gay couples still could not legally marry and assume the rights and responsibilities of that sacred institution.
Coming out matters because a large proportion of homeless youth are gay, some abandoned by their families, but some simply worry that their families would abandon them, so they never share their status with them.
It matters because whether at home, at work, or in public anywhere, people worry about whether, when and where to share the information. They believe they need to hold back a part of who they are, keeping it to themselves, a cancer that destroys from within.
Coming out matters because all too many young gay people are committing suicide, lives destroyed by the lack of acceptance from the world around them.
It matters because the percentage of LGBTQ people who suffer from addictions and substance abuse is estimated to be two to three times higher than that of the population as a whole.
It matters because in some communities, other young people still drive around looking for some gay people to beat up.
It matters because while there are places where no one cares anymore whether you are gay, there are at least as many communities, like where I live–the only city in California where the city council endorsed Proposition 8 which temporarily banned gay marriage in the state–where young people fear what would happen if anyone knew.
Coming out matters, not because celebrities are important, but because every young person needs to see someone like them in public life who serves as a role model. Even if all discrimination ended today, there would still be that need.
It matters because there are still religious leaders who spew hatred from the pulpit based on a selective reading of scripture.
Coming out is important because young people need to hear someone say that they ARE gay. Because all too many other people pretend it’s a choice or a disease.
The city council where I live had the opportunity to support Coming Out Day last year and declined, despite the fact that it is celebrated in all fifty states and at least seven other countries. Proclamation requests were submitted and summarily ignored. In fact, the only proclamation requests in our city that have ever been rejected have been those promoted by the LGBT community.
So, it matters.
Photo: Flickr/James Willamor
—An earlier version of this piece appeared in the Porterville Recorder on October 8th, 2014.