Why Communication Is More Important Than Being Competent

I used to take pride in being competent. I don’t like not seeing myself as skilled in a certain trade, and part of the barrier to learning new skills is an apprehension to being a beginner, where you’re inevitably not good at something.

Recently, though, I’ve had a shift in perspective. I’m not always competent. I can’t always let the quality of work speak for itself.

There’s something out there more important than being skilled and competent: communication.

My personal experience with communication

The only reason I got straight A’s in graduate school for three straight semesters is communication.

I learned to communicate with my professors if I was having a problem or needed an extension. I went from a 3.16 GPA to a 4.0 GPA, because I started reviewing feedback thoroughly and asked professors what I could do to be thorough in my assignments.

Likewise, communication has saved me so far this year in the classroom as a special educator. So far we’ve only had less than a month in school in 2022, but it’s not like I haven’t had any behavior problems in class or students not doing what they were supposed to do.

However, my relationships with my students’ parent(s) or guardian(s) have assisted me in rectifying behaviors and getting students back on track.

Kids hate me when I call their parents, listing off every single class they are failing, listing every class they’re doing well in, and a comprehensive list of teacher reports and what a student can do better to improve.

But it’s necessary. Most parents would rather know their student is failing a class before the end of the year rather than when it’s too late to do anything about it.

It’s not only good to log these calls for documentation purposes and as part of education’s CYA culture — it’s good to log these calls to keep families in the loop. It’s better to be someone who calls too much over someone who doesn’t communicate at all.

This has taught me the importance of communication, not only at work but to clearly communicate expectations and when there’s something I’m not able to do.

Unsaid expectations cause a lot of problems — so say your expectations

The older I get, the more I realize conflicts in any relationship — partner-partner, parent-child, student-teacher — are often due to unsaid expectations.

I have unsaid expectations of my students. I expect they do their work, stay off their phones, and stay in their seats. As teachers, we are taught to drill down these expectations and practice them the first couple weeks of school and make sure they are very clearly conveyed.

Right now, it’s a struggle to get students to wear masks during the peak of another stage of a pandemic. For kids, you have to communicate these expectations clearly and effectively, because kids inevitably do push boundaries at times.

I used to think not complaining was a virtue. I would put my head down and get to work and do my duties, responsibilities, and job to make everyone else’s life easier. I thought it made me more of a Christian to not tell anyone I worked for two hours under the radar to take more work off everyone else’s plate.

Now, I communicate about my contribution to the overall commonwealth, and how hard I often work to make that contribution. For extra responsibilities I take at work for my team, I asked my supervisor for a stipend. I figured nothing bad could happen from asking, and I wanted to advocate for myself in a manner I had not done before.

Likewise, in my relationship, sometimes my fiancee and I will expect each other to help with a household responsibility. We will have unsaid expectations of each other for who’s responsible for what, and then get upset when something isn’t done.

This is something we’re working on at counseling and just talking out our problems. Unsaid expectations can often be a huge stressor in relationships — the image of what we expect from someone else is not clearly conveyed.

For example, my fiancee would expect the dishes to be done and trash to be taken out by morning. It took a while for us to get into the routine since she cooks and does laundry more often. But once we clearly talked about the expectation, the activities became more routine for both of us.

It’s easier said than done

Of course, communication is a buzzword. It’s easier said than done, and what does it even look like on a day-to-day basis?

The fact is, most of my day is made up of boring, tedious administrative tasks. I write legal documents. I make sure the school is not out of compliance with educational law, the Individuals with Disabilities Act (IDEA).

No one really cares that this makes up most of my day that isn’t teaching. However, it makes me take on extra work for my building and my staff.

I made sure to tell people this makes up most of my day now. I used to do the work, not be thanked for it, and toil in silence. Keeping a low profile with that work is, yes, virtuous. But I communicated to supervisors this was taking up a significant portion of time, and lobbied to be compensated for it.

If I can pinpoint anything in my life I’ve had success in, I can boil the success down to one factor: a relationship. In running, I’ve always had terrific relationships with my coaches.

The same goes for teaching, and the same goes for any academic class I did well in — I had a relationship with the teacher and asked for help when I was confused.

Takeaways

Unsaid expectations can kill any significant relationship — it’s important to convey expectations, and clarify them in case they are unrealistic or out of touch.

I don’t mean for this piece to sound preachy, but it inevitably does.

One thing I wanted to do better in 2022 is to not suffer in silence any longer and toil away thanklessly at work. I expect to advocate for myself. I expect to leverage my strengths keeping families in the loop in my teaching.

A supervisor in my summer job asked me how she would know if I wasn’t doing well or if I was struggling. It took me a while to think about it.

“If I withdraw and am not the most responsive person,” I said. “It means I’m probably not doing well.”

As an individual, this is just an area of growth for me. I will always work to hone my craft and become more competent in whatever I do. However, clearly communicating with my peers, friends, and people I work with is also essential.

I’m not saying you should lay it all out there and tell everyone all of your business. I’ve been there, and there are many dangers of oversharing as well. But it’s a balancing act — you don’t want to suffer in silence and not communicate.

This year, so far, I’ve learned in some cases, communication is more important than being competent. It’s a lesson I wish I learned sooner.

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This post was previously published on The Partnered Pen.

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