Not too long ago, around mid-February, one of my juniors approached me, seeking advice on what it was like to date a family man. He assumed since I was a single mom and date dads too often, I was the best person to advise on such a matter.
To be honest, I was flattered by his sincerity and forwardness. But I was also embarrassed to learn my dating style is quite perceptible to other people.
I tried to breach the subject as sensitive as I could because I could see this young man was already in love with a single mom, and he wasn’t looking for advice to talk him out of it. It was more like he needed someone to give him a “go” signal.
As much as I would like to leave out the bad, I couldn’t. He needed to know what he was bargaining for to save him from the usual “had I known” we single moms are fed up with. I also wanted to save the single mom he was interested in from the headache of dating an immature man.
As single parenting becomes more and more common, many stereotypes about single mothers have become increasingly inaccurate.
Much of what people assume about the typical single mom is false or ridiculous. That’s why I’ve collected these facts from men who have dated single mothers to help you understand what it’s like to date one, whether you are suited for such a commitment or not.
Can a single mother find love again?
Most men shy away from single moms. They think single mom’s are hot-headed and do not care for anyone else but their children, which is understandable.
Because single mothers spend more time raising their child/children, some men assume they don’t have time to date.
Men who want a less structured life fear that single mothers may not be able to be spontaneous in the relationship. Time with romantic partners may require extra planning. If the children are not with her, spontaneity may be possible but not always predictable.
But despite the increasing fear about dating single mothers, Plenty of Fish dating site has recorded that single mom’s are finding love online 10% more than the average user. While 56.97% are looking to find a partnership rather than financial support.
Getting on with your love life as a single mother requires a different approach as opposed to when you were not a parent. She needs to accept this is a new chapter in her life and embrace it.
Every relationship has a recipe for its success, and that of single mom’s aren’t different. If she can make room for her partner and set boundaries for her ex, there’s no reason she won’t find love again. But before you decide to date a single mom, there are some truths you must have in mind.
Her kids will give you no space to become too attached to their mom
Kids are jealous little things, no doubt. When my daughter was little, I avoided dating, and when I did, I hardly brought them home. I didn’t want to be put in a position where I would have to play favors or choose sides. So I tried to keep my home just for my daughter, but outside, my date gets to have my time.
Most single moms mix up their dating life with motherhood without making room for their partner, and that causes problems in the relationship. That’s why men feel single mom’s show no affection except for their kids.
When you’re dating a single mom, be prepared to spend most of your date nights at her place, watching movies or tucking her kids to bed. Be prepared to share her bed with her kids. And be prepared to get canceled on at the last minute. If you are young and want to enjoy the feel of life, dating a single mom might be limiting for you.
Her ex will always be baggage “if” she’s carrying him around
The truth is exes become an issue if the woman allows it. My ex has never, and I have never been an issue for him.
We both lived separately and respected each other’s privacy after we broke up. I restricted myself to calling him at a certain time of the day when he got married. When he calls me, he makes it a habit to ask if the timing is okay for me to speak before we carry on with our conversation.
I think single mothers should let their exes know their boundaries. Some of the single guys I have dated admitted they swore never to date a single mom before they met me. They had issues with their girlfriend’s baby daddy that mitigated to other problems.
So if you’re crushing on a single mum, be sure you can handle her ex being in her life. If she’s still in love with her ex, she will hold back. Most times, her ex will be threatened by any man in her life. Also, taking over his place as the kid’s father, can create issues between you, the kids, and their father.
If you can handle all that, great. Welcome to the club! But if you think you can’t deal with exes drama, then don’t bother dating a single mom.
Be ready to have a constructive life because she will be super dedicated structure
All the processes that led to her becoming a single mother impact a woman’s mind, heart, and overall lifestyle.
Most independent mothers don’t have the time or energy to waste on meaningless, directionless relationships. Single moms don’t have time for games because they already have too much on their plate. Her work is already cut out for her.
Dealing with human beings, especially kids, is a demanding job. If she’s a good mom, you can bet she has good human relationship skills.
Her life is all about doing the right things. She keeps a routine to make sure her day goes accordingly. She’s keeps her life clean and disciplined, which is a turn-on for most men.
But if you’re a guy who does keep a structured life, you might find it boring dating a single mom. Most single mom’s are looking for a partner who maintains a disciplined life. So if you are not that person, it will be better if you jump this ship.
Don’t even assume you can keep anything from her
Single mothers watch you like a hawk. At the early stage of the relationship any move you make will be met with suspicion. She will want to know why you are the way you are, what you are thinking at any point, and if you are not thinking at all, she would want to know why.
Some people might think single mom’s do this because of their insecurities, but it’s not. I do it all the time in new relationships, and I have realized it’s not because I’m secure. We get annoyingly curious because we are looking for every evidence to prove the person is right for us.
If there is any chance they hold a reservation about themselves, we will know. If they feel ignored or fake appearance to be with us, we can spot their lies. Single moms are very articulate in reading their partner. If you can handle being their next project, good luck.
She won’t be easily enticed by materialistic charms
One thing I love about single mums is that we will always put our children before our personal desires. I have turned down dates from wealthy and influential men whom I perceived would be a danger to my daughter.
Single mums work hard to provide their children with everything they need. They can also seek help from their ex, both financially and otherwise. Some even date because they need someone to help offset their bills. However, she will not sacrifice her child’s security to solve her financial problems.
You can give her all the luxury in the world, cars, houses, jewelry, etc, if she senses any sign of your dishonesty that will be a danger to her and her child, you can bet she won’t fall for your charms.
They are more interested in finding a father figure for their child than your big pocket. Even when she has taken a liking to the man, knowing that they don’t fit into her kids’ life makes it easy to eliminate them and move on.
She’s emotionally mature and confident
Getting through a single mom is easier than getting a single woman without kids to be open about their feelings because single moms usually have nothing to hide or be ashamed of.
They endure the shame of being a single mum at the early stages of the pregnancy, however, that shame brings out their courage to face any situation.
That is why most single mothers grow to be resilient after childbirth. I never thought childbirth could change a person so much until I found myself in that world.
Single moms carry a quiet confidence about who they are because they’ve been through the fire longer than most people their age. They know what they want in a partner, and they are not afraid to express how they feel.
Parting thoughts
People change when the baby comes, including men, and sometimes marriages don’t recover. Having kids can make dating more complicated, but it’s not all pain and sadness.
Although being a mom changes every area of a woman’s dating life and who they choose to spend time with, it’s a great experience. And dating a single mum is actually thrilling once she gets the hang of it.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: We-Vibe Toys on Unsplash
