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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.
Lazy River Dating
Yes, literally, it’s like you get on a tube in the river and let the current take you downstream. But at some point, you realize that you don’t actually want to go where this is going.
Lazy River dating. That’s good!
Welcome, everyone, to the Love Life podcast! I am joined by the whole gang today: Audrey and Steven. I’m super excited about today’s episode. Before we dive in, have you asked Matthew AI your dating question yet? If you haven’t, go to askmh.com. You can either text your question or speak it, and you’ll receive a literal voice answer from my brain.
Matthew AI has been trained on 17 years of my content, so what you’re getting is not some generic internet answer. You are getting a highly specific and contextual response tailored to your situation. In other words, it’s something only I would have said. Go check it out; it’s mind-blowing! Askmh.com is the link.
Think of the question you would ask me if I were sitting next to you right now and go ask it to Matthew AI. I promise you, the answer will be more elaborate, detailed, and specific than you can imagine. I look forward to hearing your feedback!
The Topic Today
Today, we are talking about what happens when people go cold while on a trip. We have a really exciting topic for you today—one I come across often in your questions to the Love Life podcast.
What happens when everything seems to be going well with someone, but then that person takes a trip—whether it’s a work trip or a vacation—and they go cold both during the trip and when they get home? It’s like the dynamic has shifted, something has changed, and it feels like they’ve pulled away.
One of you asked a question related to this very topic in the last couple of weeks. For anyone who wants to email the Love Life podcast, the address is at matthewhassy.com. We got an email just like this that Audrey is going to read today, and then we’re going to discuss how to handle this situation. We’ll also address whether there are ways to avoid finding yourself in this scenario in the first place.
If anyone has gone cold on you recently—especially if they did so after taking a trip—this episode is for you.
Listener Question
Welcome back, everyone! It’s so good to be together again. We’ve got the whole gang here. Hey friends, Steven and Hussy are in the house. I’m really looking forward to this episode.
We received a question from a reader, and we’re keeping her anonymous, so I’ll refer to her as Scarlet. I didn’t expect you to pull a name like Scarlet out of a bag!
I know, I usually go with Sarah.
I usually go with Susan.
Really?
Yeah.
What’s yours?
I thought Wesley Snipes was your usual.
I haven’t pulled out Wesley Snipes in quite a while!
So, Scarlet sent in her question, and it stood out to us, didn’t it? We started discussing it and thought this would make an amazing podcast episode. Here we go:
Scarlet writes, “I’ve recently faced a situation where things ended unexpectedly with a guy I was seeing. We met one night, and though I didn’t expect anything serious, he asked for my number. Over five weeks, we hung out about ten times, texting daily, cooking dinner, and sharing my favorite wine. I enjoyed his company, despite my reservations since he had just come out of a ten-year relationship and I am busy with university and being a single mom. However, after he went to Bali, we communicated less, which I was fine with. But since coming home, he’s now pulled back significantly.
Uh-oh!
I reached out twice, and he responded enthusiastically. I suggested a call so I could hear about his holiday, which he agreed to once he put the kids down—but he never followed through. I’m giving him space, but I’m unsure what’s happening. Why am I feeling this way when I was fine with whatever this turned out to be at the beginning? Any advice or suggestions would be much appreciated. Thanks, Scarlet.”
Analyzing the Situation
I want to kick things off with this idea: If she’s been seeing him for five weeks and they’ve met up ten times, is that long enough to have a conversation before he went away?
I think ten dates is actually quite a lot.
I agree; that’s a significant amount of quality time together to at least discuss what you’re looking for from the situation. That’s essentially ten hours of conversation, and you can assume it could be much more.
But I also understand the feeling of not wanting to put pressure on things. What if you don’t feel comfortable having that conversation even after ten dates? How can you approach that?
The reason we chose this question is that it’s a common phenomenon. You’re seeing someone, everything is going great, and then they go away on holiday, and something shifts. After that, it’s never the same again. I think that happens a lot, so I’m curious—how can you mitigate that if you don’t feel comfortable enough to have that conversation after ten dates?
You have to ask yourself why you’re feeling that way. What’s going on within you or within this particular dynamic that makes you feel like you can’t have that conversation after spending so much time with someone?
The answer often boils down to fear—fear of scaring them away, of pushing them away, or of being the one to hasten the end of something you are really enjoying. That gives you some insight, doesn’t it?
It either means that you feel like something’s going to end—when that might not be true, which indicates a scarcity mindset—or it could mean there’s something inherent in the relationship leading you to believe it’s a bad bet.
A lack of intentionality on someone’s part shows up in different ways. Someone who continues to date you while being non-committal demonstrates a lack of intentionality. Meanwhile, a more subtle form might be someone who keeps seeing you but isn’t clear about their own intentions.
Scarlet mentioned he had just come out of a long-term relationship and has kids.
I want to highlight the instinctive mistake we often make—a misguided assumption that if someone spends a lot of time with us, they must have intentions. However, that behavior can represent just hopping into the river—a path of least resistance.
Maybe this person is enjoying dating you but hasn’t fully committed. The trip might serve as a circuit breaker, prompting them to reflect on whether they genuinely want what they have.
Should You Speak Up?
If they’re doing this unconsciously, they might suddenly realize they’re not as invested as they thought. Alternatively, he could already be aware that he doesn’t want anything serious and uses the trip to create distance.
He may be relying on her unwillingness to speak up, afraid of coming across as needy or clingy.
It sounds like at the beginning Scarlet was more relaxed because she was busy with university and being a single mom. But it seems that now, the momentum of dating created feelings she didn’t anticipate.
Do you think she was initially more relaxed because she thought he wasn’t looking for anything serious?
I think that’s possible. It’s easy to feel chill when you have someone’s attention. But when that attention is taken away, it’s natural to feel a sense of loss.
Scarlet shared intimate details about cooking and sharing wine, which are often seen as tokens of connection. That intimacy can create a sense of closeness, leading her to feel blindsided when communication changes.
When dating someone fresh out of a long-term relationship, you might mistake their attentiveness for genuine interest. They may still be in the habit of sharing their life with someone but may not be prepared for a new relationship.
Moving forward, we should discuss what Scarlet might do differently now or what could help her communicate her feelings or intentions.
Moving Forward
Scarlet’s situation reveals she waited too long to have important conversations about intent and communication style. After ten dates, not discussing where they stood is somewhat evasive.
We have to be honest with ourselves at some point. If you start feeling closer to someone, you need to decide if you’re continuing along a path that seems like a dead end.
If it’s been going well and you’re investing time and feelings, you might want to know if it’s exclusive.
In Scarlet’s case, since he’s going on a trip, what if she had used the opportunity to have that conversation?
She could have said something light-hearted before he left, mentioning how great things have been between them and expressing hope for keeping in touch while he’s away. That could have prompted a natural discussion about their connection.
Steven, what do you think would be an elegant way to approach that conversation?
I think she could ask if they’re going to keep in touch during the trip or even send messages back and forth. If he’s reluctant to engage, that could be a red flag.
Check-In During Time Apart
The key is to casually bring it up, asking if they could stay connected while he’s away. If he shuts that down, that’s a significant indicator of his feelings toward the relationship.
Given the time they spent together, it is reasonable for her to want clarity. This isn’t a huge demand. It’s about looking for mutual interest and commitment.
If they don’t have that conversation beforehand, it’s great that she can assess their communication during this trip. If he’s not reaching out, she can express that she’s noticed a change.
Once he’s back, Scarlet can gently approach the relationship.
Matthew AI can answer her questions.
Remember that it’s okay to feel disappointed that things aren’t the way they used to be. If he has pulled back, she should acknowledge her feelings rather than shame herself.
It’s normal to feel attached after investing time and effort into someone.
Matthew AI Insights
Let’s quickly run through what Matthew AI might say about this situation.
“Hi Matthew. I’m confused. A guy I was seeing went cold after a trip.”
Matthew might say it’s essential to understand the context and the intentions behind their behavior. He would encourage her to maintain her standards while addressing mixed signals calmly.
“It’s essential to assess if communication has changed,” Matthew might propose.
Being upfront about feelings and expectations can clarify the situation and help avoid misunderstandings or assumptions.
Conclusion
This might feel difficult for Scarlet, who might feel insecure or unsure after his retreat. But it’s crucial to remember that what he does is not a reflection of her worth.
Scarlet has every right to express her feelings while also recognizing that she deserves reciprocity.
We’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic! If you’ve experienced similar situations, feel free to reach out. Don’t forget the subject line: “Lazy River Dating.”
If you haven’t tried Matthew AI yet, you really should. He has answers for everything! Just be cautious—don’t make him angry! You can ask your questions now at askmh.com.
Thank you, Steven and Audrey! We’ll see everyone in the next episode of Love Life. Take care and love life!
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
Blog → https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/ Facebook → https://facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/thematthewh… Twitter → https://twitter.com/matthewhussey ▼ Connect with Stephen ▼ Youtube → https://bit.ly/StephenHusseyYoutube Instagram → http://bit.ly/StephenHusseyIG
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