Why Do Some People Never Give You a Straight Answer to a Direct Question

Have you ever asked someone a question, just to receive a vague, non -response back?

You thought you were clear, you re-read your text or thought about what you asked, and nope there should have been no confusion there.

Or maybe you even followed up with another question, just to get more of the same and total avoidance of an answer.

Perhaps the response you got was a question to your original question and you still never actually got an answer.

There are times in which we just need a simple, succinct, but direct answer, is it a Yes or No and maybe one other piece of simple information.

Are you coming to this event and what time should we meet?

Do I need to pick someone or something up?

What time will you be home, be arriving, are leaving ?

For some reason, for certain people when you ask a specific and direct question, nothing earth shattering, you’re just waiting for a simple reply and yet…you get nothing!

Maybe it’s just me, but I find this a bit annoying. I have so many tasks and things I need to get done during my day between my 9–5, taking care of my kids, paying bills, taking care of the house, finding time to reach out to my parents to see if they’re doing ok, and the list goes on.

I really don’t have time to have for vague non responses, just to have to ask the same question over again, which should not be all that hard to answer.

I have a couple of friends, my kids’ father, and some co-workers who do this quite frequently when asked a question. It’s frustrating, to say the least, to just to not get an answer. Normally you are not asking just to make small talk, but because the information is needed.

And it got me thinking, especially since I am direct and try to make sure I am clear when I interact with people,

Why do people do this?

Avoidance of conflict

Especially when it involves a spouse or partner, if you ask a direct question that may involve an answer that won’t be liked or will not go over all that well, it is easier to give a non-response in order to avoid conflict, a negative response, and discomfort.

Questions such as:

How much did you spend at Target today?

Did you make a dinner reservation for date night like I asked?

Are you really going out with your friends again tonight?

Who is that woman/man who’s texting you?

And you can see why certain questions will evoke general and vague answers.

And for usually good reason.

Personality styles

There are some personality styles that automatically get their defenses up when asked very specific, direct questions.

Others don’t like to be questioned, as it feels like they’re being told what to do or imposing on their autonomy.

In the case of dismissive attachment styles, evading direct answers can happen as they are hard-pressed to trust people and are hyper independent. You might be better off making casual conversation and then try to weave your questions into it to avoid getting their defenses up and never getting an answer.

Non-committal

This goes along with those we all know that can’t make plans and ever keep them. You ask them to meet up a few days or weeks in advance for dinner, drinks, or hanging out, then when it comes to the date they cancel at the last minute or make up a lame excuse why they can’t make it.

There are some people that just don’t want to commit to an answer and want to wiggle their way out committing to any plans. They’re unreliable at best, and to me, self centered at worst. They don’t seem to care about wasting your time or the fact that you’re taking time out of your busy day and life to see them. They won’t commit to an answer or if they do, they will change their answer to something completely different later on.

This can be especially apparent during the “What are we?” future of our relationship line of questioning. Those in it for a casual situationship will never answer that question directly or give you a straight answer. You might be waiting for years for a committed answer or a commitment, period.

Timing

I know a few people that you have to wait for the right time to ask them a specific question, otherwise you will get no response.

As they say, timing is everything.

Some bad times to ask specific questions:

After a long/bad/hard day at work when they just got home and want to relax
They’re in a bad mood or frustrated about another matter
The game’s on and their favorite team is playing

You’re not going to get much of answer or any answer more than likely, if your timing is off or you ask during any of the above scenarios.

You might as well forget about it.

Wait until they’re in a good mood.

Trust me on this one.

…

I’m sure there are a myriad of other reasons as to why certain people just can’t give you a straight answer to a direct question.

For me, I try to limit my interactions with those with this type of communication style because to be honest, it drives me a bit batty.

I really don’t like repeating myself and asking questions more than once to get an answer.

With some people you’re obligated to deal with regularly — Your co-workers, your co-parent, your boss, your mother-in-law, and I’m sure many others, you might not have a choice, unfortunately.

So if you have any additional advice for how to deal with these types, please feel free to share in the comments!

Thanks for reading!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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