NICE GUY’S ALWAYS COMPROMISE
Most women say they want a relationship with compromise. That makes sense. Women compromise for children. Women compromise for others’ feelings. Women compromise career to give birth. Every aspect of a woman’s life is about compromise. With today’s blurred relationship lines, it seems women are asking men to be women. That’s why you all leave the nice guy. Nice guys tend to be feminine.
Let’s be clear. No aspect of society was forged through compromise.
Civil rights were uncompromising. Gay rights are uncompromising. Women’s rights on abortion are uncompromising. Ending slavery was uncompromisingly difficult.
The country we live in was uncompromisingly stolen from native Americans. The country was built uncompromisingly with slave labor.
Each example above had its share of death, violence, and persecution. Women benefited from eradicating these examples.
Men typically die struggling for uncompromising issues. Guys usually survive. That’s kind of the point. Who do you feel safer with?
The guy who will compromise and not put it all on the line for you.
Or
The man who will not compromise and put it all on the line for you.
UNCOMPROMISE IS GOOD
Women you need a man who refuses to compromise. Sound crazy? I’ll frame it in a way you like.
Do you want a man who refuses to compromise his loyalty?
Sure, you do.
Do you want a man who refuses to compromise you as a priority in his life?
Sure, you do.
Do you want a man who refuses to compromise your safety?
Sure, you do.
I think you get my point. I know unsubstantiated arguments. They go like this.
Every situation is different. You don’t get everything you want. You must accept another’s views sometimes. It depends on how each person feels. Pick your battles.
This type of thinking is called Hypocrisy.
Hypocrisy means contradictory behaviors. When you ask a man to be one way with you and another way sometimes it’s pure chaos.
Let’s talk about how the human mind works.
YOUR FEELINGS AREN’T A BRAIN PROCESS
Feeling are sensations we literally feel. Despite feeling sensations, they are not actual processes of the brain (1). As much as we want to believe what we feel is true…sometimes it isn’t. Women tend to talk a lot about how they feel. Men tend to talk a lot about how they think.
We adopt misconception. People have different identities to different people. Identity roles make people believe they are different.
This is false.
I am a business partner, a writer, a professional, a hustler, a father, a protector, et cetera… I have more than one identity.
Hypocrisy means contradictory behaviors. When you ask a man to be one way with you and another way sometimes it’s pure chaos.
We all have multiple identities (4).
In each identity I am consistently who I am. Identity is a role. Identity is not who I am.
WHY WE SAY WE WANT SOMETHING WE DON’T ACTUALLY WANT
Here’s a great quote. It’s from a leading professor at the University of Pennsylvania. Professor Kurzban is quoted,
“So you have one part of your head that leads you to condemn other people when they violate a set of moral rules. But at the same time in your head you have mechanisms that are designed to cause you to do things which bring you certain kinds of advantages,”
There you have it. Most women say they want a nice guy but don’t choose them. Nice guys are walked all over. Nice guys are seldom women’s final choice. I know. A lot of nice guys complain. It’s a people thing. Not necessarily a woman thing.
People take advantage of people. They get money. They get fame. They get services. They get a lot.
A guy who won’t say no is convenient. You can guilt trip him into anything.
What won’t you get?
A man who won’t say no to a woman who’s nice to him. Men can’t be two ways. We are one way or the other.
Do you want a man to compromise his loyalty to you? No. Then don’t ask us to compromise our values or views.
A MAN WITH BOUNDARIES ISN’T NICE
Sometimes men must be rude. Example? Here’s one.
I’ve been out to dinner with my girlfriend. Our server made a pass at me when she went to the bathroom. I was rude in my response. I told her to get me another server. She was shocked. I told her I didn’t want to be served by a woman who openly hits on me. I knew she wanted to embarrass my girlfriend for an ego boost.
Do you want a man to compromise his loyalty to you? No. Then don’t ask us to compromise our values or views.
A lot of guys don’t realize this. Sometimes women try to garnish male attention because they’re in competition with their girlfriend. They don’t want the guy. They want to know if they can take the guy from her. Once they do so they don’t care about the guy.
I’ve had to tell women they need to leave because the sun is going down. They look at me like I’m crazy.
How they feel is not important. It’s not appropriate for me to be alone in a house at night with a woman who isn’t my girlfriend if I have a girlfriend.
Who cares how the other women feel? I don’t. Get out I have a girlfriend.
There is a negative aspect to lacking compromise. My views on relationships. I state them as facts. I don’t care how my girlfriend feels about my views. They’re my views. I’m not going to change them. I’m firm and uncompromising.
It’s up to her to accept them or not. If too many of them don’t line up with her views…than she can leave. We’re not a good fit. I’ve broken up with women in the past over it. All I had to do was compromise a principle or two. I didn’t.
My principles are who I am. I don’t care how women feel about me as a person. I’m trying to be someone’s person. I am not trying to be everyone’s person.
The path to happiness is through rejection. I’m not designed to marry every woman. I’m designed to marry one woman. Women accept rejection as a way of finding your husband. It’s a good thing.
HOW UNCOMPROMISING MEN WORK FOR WOMEN
I talk a lot about harmony. Harmony is a natural state where two people can coexist without much conflict. Harmony also applies to views and principles. While two people may not always agree their disagreement doesn’t cause ongoing conflict.
Both can simply agree to disagree and happily carry on.
The key to an uncompromising relationship is deciding if you agree with its principles. If you do not agree with all his principles (as people rarely agree on everything) ask yourself if his principles compliment your principles.
It is possible to disagree with a principle but realize it compliments you.
A SIMPLE EXAMPLE OF DISAGREEMENT WORKING
I’ll give you a simple example. It’s easy to get. It will sound a bit sexist. This is an example not a stated belief of mine.
Man thinks women need more preferential treatment than men because they are not as strong. As a man he obligates himself to double standards in care for women. Women get more than men because they aren’t as strong. Woman thinks all lives are equal and women can be just as strong as men. The woman realizes the man will care for her at double the standard of a man. She benefits from this. Their future daughters will benefit too. The boys will not get as much. Boys learn to earn everything through hard work. Nothing is given. She agrees to disagree because her agreement isn’t required to benefit. The boys will develop strong character and girls will be generously cared for.
UNCOMPROMISE IS BETTER THAN COMPROMISE
Women the best men for loyalty are uncompromising. Asking a man to be consistent is easier than asking him to be inconsistent. There can be no consistency in compromise. Reliable character traits cannot be fostered.
The basis of most arguments is misunderstanding, disrespect or lack of communication.
It is easy to misunderstand a woman who requires every conversation to be a negotiation. It is easy to disrespect a woman on accident. It is easy to fail communication with a woman whose words change tomorrow. Most men do not assume well. Men who change their views all the time will change their view about you too. All they need to do is have another conversation with another woman. There goes your loyalty.
To Your Knowledge Success!
Resources:
1) Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. “The Mind/Brain Identity Theory”. January 12, 2000; substantive revision May 18, 2007. Accessed 12 September 2022.
2) Pitcher, G., 1971, A Theory of Perception, Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.
3) Rosenthal, D.M., 1994, ‘Identity Theories’, in S. Guttenplan (ed.), A Companion to the Philosophy of Mind, Oxford: Blackwell, pp. 348–355.
4) Psychological Science Agenda. “Considering Your Multiple Identities. Awareness of various identities has an impact on creativity and social thinking.” July 2019. Gaither Sarah, PhD. Accessed September 12 2022.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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