When is He going to call?
Have you experienced this scenario? That anxious feeling swirling in your stomach each time your phone lights up, hoping it’s a message from him. Yet again, another day passes with no response.
I believe every woman at some point in her life has experienced this.
Yesterday, I went to the gym, and as I checked in at the reception, I happened to overhear a conversation.
Two girls talking, with one visibly angry. When asked why, she explained that her so-called new boyfriend was supposed to text her today about meeting up, but he didn’t, and now she’s furious.
During the workout, she repeatedly glanced at her phone, checking for messages from him.
As I observed, I pondered how many of us follow these same dating patterns.
Why isn’t he calling? He is probably busy. He probably got scared.
No. He did not.
He is not busy. Neither is scared or has family issues.
If he does, and he cares for you, he will make sure to let you know so you do not worry about what is going on.
If he wanted — he would. End of story. Please keep reminding yourself.
What is on His mind?
Frequently, men begin with enthusiasm when their initial attraction to a woman (often primarily physical) triggers hormones and sends a signal to their instincts — “Catch!”
Thus, they feel an inner drive to pursue you.
1. Love Bombing
Many guys Love Bomb. Just as women enjoy fantasizing, some men, driven by insecurity, resort to manipulative tactics to secure your affection. This behavior may be conscious or subconscious. Consequently, they may seek your validation only to move on once they have it. It’s as straightforward as that.
2. From a Woman to a Little Girl
Another scenario unfolds when they genuinely care, but the woman shifts into a needy energy due to an unfilled void, often arising from absent fathers in their lives.
Thus transforming from the woman they were initially drawn to into someone resembling a little needy girl.
While some men are initially drawn to the “little girl” type, reminiscent of Marilyn Monroe, they often grow weary of this dynamic. Similar to the situation with Marilyn, they eventually become bored with constantly feeling like a father figure, attending to her emotional insecurity.
This scenario frequently occurs with women who believe they’ve healed or comprehended the “rules” of relationships, feeling ready for a committed partnership.
Nonetheless, they overlook the subconscious void within them that they strive to fill.
Here, I recommend referring to Parts 1 and 2 if you’re interested in learning more about how to overcome this stage.
Top 3 Things Every High-Value Woman Does in Early Dating. Part 1
How to use others’ mistakes to our advantage by learning what not to do.
medium.com
How Men Test Women and How To Successfully Pass the Test. Are You a Ferrari or a Tesla? Part 2
I asked my male friends, and they said, “ If we like a woman, we test her.” Do you do the same with him, though?
medium.com
At first, they might embrace their feminine energy, giving the man the opportunity to show why she should be attracted to him.
However, soon after, they project their inner void onto him, hoping he’ll become their savior.
This leads them to adopt a needy attitude, expecting or demanding things prematurely.
As a result, he feels repelled and begins to withdraw.
If a woman chooses to escalate the pressure as he withdraws, it exacerbates the situation, causing the dynamic to deteriorate further and ultimately resulting in inevitable disappointment.
3. A candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long
I love proverbs because they are wisdom in a sentence.
This scenario highlights how some women may give too much too quickly in a relationship.
They believe they’ve found “the one,” spend every day together, and become intimate within a short time frame.
However, the initial passion often fades within a month. It is known men fall through actions, and it takes time. While there are exceptions to the rule, this is a common scenario.
Another insightful saying is: “Don’t ask an old horse, ask a racehorse!”
It suggests seeking advice or guidance from those with relevant experience and active involvement rather than relying on being the exception.
This is one of the reasons why I created this series, as I aim to prevent women from repeating the same mistakes by learning from others.
While personal experience is valuable, I believe seeking advice is also essential.
My mother instilled many of these lessons in me from a young age, and I am incredibly grateful for her wisdom and guidance, which helped me avoid many of the pitfalls that some of my friends encountered.
4. Changing Energy
Numerous examples exist of men being attracted to women who initially needed their help, only to feel repelled once she felt secure and reverted to her independent energy. So this is one tip as to why he might not be calling.
Many women are unaware of the power of energy. This is why viral videos about how detachment helped them reconcile with their exes gain traction.
When you shift your energy, the other person can feel it, leading to changes in the dynamics between you.
For a stable relationship, maintain a stable emotional energy.
5. Just not meant to be
It is important to note that sometimes it’s not about who did what, but simply a lack of chemistry.
Similarly, just as we don’t become friends with everyone we meet, we shouldn’t expect to find a lifelong partner after only a few dates.
Tips from the Dating Guru
You’ve likely heard of Matthew Hussey, a renowned dating coach. He offers a wealth of free content on this topic that you can explore.
Why is he Pulling Away?
What is on Your mind?
As I’ve discussed in detail in my previous articles, women often find themselves drawn to the potential in their partners.
This inclination is rooted in psychological theories that explain our pursuit of an ideal mate.
However, for some women, this ideal is unattainable because it doesn’t truly exist.
Alternatively, they may struggle with closeness and trust due to early childhood trauma, leading their brains to develop coping mechanisms aimed at protection.
Unfortunately, this coping mechanism doesn’t provide the desired protection; instead, it exacerbates issues by transferring the potential from one person to another without progressing into a relationship.
When such a woman finds herself attracted to a man, she immediately projects her ideal onto him.
From there, it’s only a matter of time before the relationship ends, prompting her to ask the familiar questions: “Why does this always happen?” and “What am I doing wrong?”
Steps to Feel at Piece
Refining Detachment for a Reality Check
Of course, I’ve been there myself. That’s precisely why I write about it.
My friends and I are all too familiar with being fixated on the potential. We love indulging in fantasies about the perfect guy. I believe this tendency is prevalent among most women because it appeals to the little girl within us rather than the mature woman.
So, what have I discovered about how to address this flaw in our complex female psyche?
It is called detachment dating.
The concept revolves around halting the cycle of obsession and fantasizing.
In simple terms, it means ceasing to dwell on thoughts of him.
You refrain from discussing him with friends or family, avoiding scrolling through his Instagram feed or daydreaming about future happiness with him.
You adjust your expectations while maintaining high standards, as we discussed in the previous article.
You go on dates without preconceived notions, aiming for a sense of calmness.
When you’re calm, your judgment is clearer, allowing you to make more accurate assessments.
Interestingly, the more detached you become, the more interested the other person often becomes.
This energy shift, characterized by calm receptiveness rather than needy expectations, tends to attract others.
The notion that “if you want to make him obsessed with you, pretend you don’t care” holds true because genuine indifference eliminates obsession, neediness, and anxiety.
Instead, you exude confidence, composure, and tranquility — qualities universally appreciated by both potential partners and friends.
This approach alleviates pressure, creating an atmosphere conducive to enjoyment.
Men, in general, seek peace and relaxation. They work hard and value their leisure time for rejuvenation. Consequently, they seek partners who contribute to their enjoyment and fun.
Hence the saying, “When you stop looking, the right person will come.”
When you’re content and fulfilled in your own life, you naturally attract others instead of actively pursuing them.
Meditation
Even just 10 minutes of meditation per day can significantly enhance your focus and mental strength.
Think of meditation as a workout for your mind — it’s a method to learn how to control your thoughts and concentration. Instead of letting your brain dictate your thoughts, meditation teaches you to choose what you want to focus on.
How many times have I heard my girlfriends say, “I’m so busy with work, yet I’m constantly thinking about him”?
I’ve been practicing meditation for some time now, and I find it much easier to change my thoughts when I catch myself dwelling on things I don’t want to.
Meditation also teaches you to be observant of where your focus lies, allowing you to redirect it when it doesn’t serve you well.
What you think,
you become.
What you feel,
you attract.
What you imagine,
you create.
– BUDDHA
Hobbies
Have you ever noticed that when you’re engaged in something you truly enjoy, your mind seems to go blank?
It’s as if your brain is taking a much-needed rest.
It feels incredibly good and refreshing, doesn’t it? You’re completely immersed in the moment, feeling happy and content.
Engaging in activities that bring you joy and calmness is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
Despite our busy lives, the more we prioritize these activities, the better we’ll feel.
Try to incorporate as many of these moments as possible into your daily routine.
When you experience this sense of calmness and happiness in your brain, it radiates throughout your body and attracts external events that match this positive energy.
I hope this article will help you get a step closer to never asking yourself that question in the title again!
If you like what you read, I invite you to subscribe. Feel free to write to me with topics you would like me to include or if you want to share with me your personal experience. The more knowledge we share with each other the better we can become!
Love yourself, and love each other, we are the primal source of life and love on the planet! Let us create a better world together, full of love and compassion!
With Love,
Enigma ❤
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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